TOLIT*
I learned to tie a tie. The tie tried to tie me to Tye. Tye tickled the tie until the tie tied him to Timmy. Then Timmy and Tye tied up the tie and Trent tried to tickle a turning tide, but Tye tried two times and that’s why Timmy tapped the tie and tore his tooth. Then that tyrannosaur took Timmy to Thibodeau’s Taps and Togas, to test Trent’s turgid tool-tot, but Timmy’s tooth turned too loose and Tye tied up a tender and tried to drink his Tetley. Tye tightened his toga. Timmy tossed the tooth.
“Tye, this is a travesty,” said Timmy. “Take your toga and tackle the tie while tying the Tetley with tassles and twine. That takes time but twine always takes time, and twine will twirl around the tie if the tie tries to tie up Trent.”
And so Tye took the twine and the twine wrapped the tie and the tie tackled Trent while Trent talked to Timmy about Timmy’s talentless tooth. Transcendent tribulations tackled the tracks of Tye as Tye’s tantalizing twirling twined around the tie’s tremulous tailings. Terrible thoughts taught Tye that tying and twining are twinnings, and trying. Tuckered, testy Tye tossed the tie and the twine into Trent’s too-big eye. “Tick!” cried Trent. “Tallow tepid toasty trauma!”
“Take that,” said Tye, tossing another twine high. Timmy took the twine tangled with the tie and tied it to Tye’s t-shirt, then tenderly tugged the twine until twine was tangled with that. “Et-tu-tu Trenti? Truly?”
“Truly,” tottered Trent. “Tu-tus take tidbits of time.”
“Tu-tus take turns tumbling in the trash, Trent, and tu-tus tipple like triremes toppled by tornadoes in triple tradewinds trapped in tropics.”
“Typically true Tye, though tu-tus titillate teenagers touched by tiring tasks and tripped up by tangled togas. Also, tu-tus take take-out from thunderbolts traipsing like tomcats.”
“This is tantric,” said Timmy, tugging twine topped with tassles. “Tasty too. Talentless teeth truly take no trips towards Trent’s toga or taps, but taking a toga from Trent is like tying a tie on his t-shirt without trying. Tame tubas tail a tempest in Trent’s tattered tool-tot, that’s true – but tool-tots shatter and Trent’s tie tears it to tatters and the toga tattles on the terrible talents that Tye trades for tu-tus. Truly testy these togas and the taps flowing tankards, those trepidations tailing into tales of trailing trumpets. A tune takes the stage too tame for Tye or Tye’s thoughts of ties and takings with twine, but twine is not time and tempest tubas don’t try to tear togas from Trent’s truncated tool-tot!”
“Timmy. Take ten.” Tye turned to the tyrannosaur. “Take teeth too tall for Timmy and try to tie them with Timmy’s tongue, else tank Timmy’s teardrops and tuck Timmy in them.”
“That’s terribly tasteless,” said Trent, testing the tool-tot. “Tales take time like twine catches mimes, and mimes have trials tangled with togas and tides. Tubby tacky terrible Tye, try to tie twine twirling too high for twine to try the toga line, taking Timmy’s talentless tooth to task for truth and tyrannosaur’s toots. Take that Tye – and tie too, that tie totally too tied by Tye’s trippy tooth.”
“True tale?” asks Tye, tantalized by time. “Trollops take less time than lollipops layered in mimes covered in ties?”
“Truly,” tattles Timmy, tugging Trent’s tool-tot a lot.
“Tosser. Taster. Master. Baster. Top talents tape telecasts of taste-testing tyrannosaurs, so Timmy… Timmy, tackle Trent taking toga and tie and tying them with twine.”
“Okay,” said Timmy. “That’s that.” That’s a hat. Hat sits on that, but that gets fat, and fat’s a cat and Trent sat on a cat that’s fat. Trent trails the cat. Trent even fails that. Trent tries to vent. Trent pitches a tent. Trent, tool-tot bent, Trent terribly spent, that is truly that.
*that one line is true
hahaha, this is hilarious! it left my brain in knots… i can only imagine what it did to yours! great work…
I had some comments on symmetry working in my brain overnight. They burrowed pretty deep. Head hurts but coffee will help. Glad you saw the humour. Sorry about any residual knots.
oh, they are well worth it!
Is Trent spent? 🙂 I read this twice, just for the challenge of reading it fluently haha
Pretty much. Need caffeine.
I’m pounding it at the moment (as much as this old man can take!) 🙂
Fuck man, you’re not old! I got second capp going down in a second.
I’d love to hear this read by you as it’s intended to sound. Do you ever do that? Record and upload audio?
No never tried. That does sound like a fun idea though.
Soundcloud.com is easy, although I’ve only done it a couple of times and am not very confident about it. It’s a good exercise though.
where’s tweety bird when you need him eh? he woulda tot he taw a putty tat and that hat that became fat with the cat you would not have sat upon.
yikes canada…are all northern males with names that start with t made of ties and togas and everything twine? oh and we must not forget the talentless tooth! Twhat?
toss me a tylenol trenti will ya? i tink my tinker is toast!
Damn, I forgot tweety bird. But you give me idea. Some detective noir with Sylvester and tweety the mystery girl… Yes, all northern males are made of that stuff, beer and hockey too though I like my hockey pucks to be baseballs. Be careful, southern belle, our tylenol up here is like twice the strength of yours.
ooooh goodie….sly sledgehammer and his twustry sidekick tweet malone! cool beans. 😉
twhat? not a hockey fan? i’m floored, send more tylenol. 😉
Yah never could quite get into it. No hockey in England, but guess cricket’s close enough to baseball that it stuck.
well that begs the question ‘how long you been in the north?”
Forever. Left England when I was 8.
well it’s amazing someone didn’t stick a stick in your hand then. baseball’s my game too, but i love a good ice brawl when the snow flies.
They tried. But I am just not that good a skater. I can hit the fastball though! Breaking balls… notsomuch.
lol. clever. s’ok…there are enough ball breakers out there anyway. oh wait, i thought those were women?
Ummm…. no comment. We brit-canadian combo males are too smart for your tricks, southern belle.
drat! foiled again
Get across the pond already. What, two days to go or so? Knickers xxl as you might have guessed, and please please please…. white only, as knickers should be.
awww, i’m gutted lewin, you are finally sick of me. and yes 2 days, 7 hours, but who’s counting. xxl it is, white, with tiny red hearts. got it! 😉 your wife will love ’em 😯
Here, I’ll ask her, she’s sitting beside my with little Laurel. I will never get tired of you.
good. i like knowing i got an ami in good ol’ canadoo…and kiss that sweet little thing for me. and congrats and hi and nice to meet you to the brave woman who married you!
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ the mouth of the south)
She says hi. And yes, she is very very brave, but she is trueblood Canadian while I am only an import.
well you know what they say aboot canadian imports. 😉
Oh boy. You with your “aboots”. If I catch myself saying that… More coffee!
rofl…if you catch yourself saying that, make sure you let me know eh?
Yeah I will. You just know it’s gonna happen now. We don’t really talk like that honestly but every now and then, bad habits…
yes, quite familiar with bad habits. not mine of course, that’s just nonsense, other people…lots of other people. 😉
Love, love, love the t’s in here. Oh, do try the soundcloud thing–I did it once and it worked well. Your tongue will be in knots, but it would be great to hear someone brave (or silly) enough to read it aloud–and who better than the writer? I enjoyed the knotting of my brain incurred while reading it!
Glad you did. I’m not sure I’m brave enough or talented enough to do the voice version, but it’s a great idea courtesy of Pete so it’s worth considering.
Try it. Heh. The poem I read aloud, ‘canon,” had some tricky alliteration in it, and twice I had to start over because of my cursing in the middle of it when I stammered. Might be a good idea to try a few practice runs first, and then commence the cursing.
Hmmm…. tempting….
Or keep the cursing in. I could not as I kept cussing right in the middle of this”Celibate Christ, or a married one; but the divine breathing, bridging & dying a way for us to God through flesh & sacrifice.” My oh-f*ck-its just did not work in the middle of that line, and that line really is not twisterish at all, so don’t know why I stammered there.
Did you practice? I figure do one version no practice, cursing and all, then try to do one that works. I write raw, so figure should try reading that way too. Have to think on it.
Nah, did not practice…probably should have 😉
Yes Trent! I think you should try to make an audio of this because I have been working at your request and actually cussed you out loud! Ha! I think I could do it…but I want you to do it first!
Okay well that’s a challenge. My brit accent has long expired in the face of le francais and le langue anglais au canada. But I will try in some natural voice.
Brit doesn’t mean best! My recording would get half way through, then you’d hear an, ‘aww’ followed by a, ‘crap.’
Well, it looks as though it was fun to write. I agree that you should read it aloud, but anything one writes should be read aloud as a check against one’s pown reverie. It is a great exercise to play with words as you did. It helps to let off some of the steam–I’m speaking for myself. And sometimes you can find subtle ways of doing it that no one sees but you. Nicely done.KB
Thank you. I like to play sometimes. Reading aloud is important for longer pieces I find, and always do it, though never in public.
Your making my head hurt. I think you should repeat this word for word next time you are in the middle of going down on a girl. It should make for wonderful oral sex. 😉
Now that is a use of this little bit that I had not considered!
You’re, I meant. Sorry, I just woke up and the eyes are still swollen.
I know. Smile, M. If even only for a moment. I would like that.
I just did. Thank you. I am about to rage hard all over my blog. He is not home, so I can.
AWESOME!
Trent, I have gone back in the reader and cannot find the Shipwrecked piece. Please send it to my email ASAP-thanks KB
Reblogged this on toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish) and commented:
A fantastic tongue twister of a Short Story by my good friend Trent – worth taking time to read this terrific totalitarian tale at least twice today before taking tea!
uh… Trent’s turgid tool tot??? WTF??? That was awesome… you literally alliterated the hell out of that.
I will alliterate the hell out of alliteration, over and over, until every letter in the alphabet has been thoroughly abused.
uh… right…
Show off! 😛
I know eh? I suck.