As some of you may have heard, Art from Pouring My Art Out is out to break the record for comments on a single blog post: http://pouringmyartout.wordpress.com/2014/01/23/this-is-not-a-post-about-this-post-this-is-about-breaking-a-record/. He will respond to any and every comment you make there, sans fail. He will have the last word on everything, I promise.
I’ve been over there a few times, and I’m pretty sure my brain has been damaged by the insanity. As proof of that, I was alone in the comment thread for a while, and not knowing what else to do (and based on Art’s instructions, by the way), I ended up flirting… with myself. Below are the excerpts. They’re pretty juicy. Just try to look away… you perverts.
Years from now when we look at what Art has created, we’ll point to this as the birthplace of self-seduction! By the way, he’s approaching 9,000 comments now, and targeting 12,083 (also known as child’s play).
Do you like sushi?
I drive a Lamborghini.
Great. So does the Biebs.
I look like the Biebs.
This conversation is over.
All right. How about I grab a vacuum cleaner and we head over to the circus.
Why would I want to do that?
Because I said “vacuum cleaner”. Do I have to repeat myself?
I don’t like circuses.
You are such a tease.
I have seven percent body fat.
All between your ears, I suppose.
Not all of it.
That makes no sense. Are you trying to be suggestive?
Yes. You are really hot.
Who do you think you’re talking to, exactly?
I got you a nightcap.
I’m not easy, you know.
I also got you a new scarf.
Living the dream, baby.
Don’t call me that.
Don’t act like you don’t think I’m seductive. Look at my hair.
It’s the rest of you that concerns me.
Touch my ears. Go on.
They’re kind of hairy.
Go ahead and pull. Please be gentle.
You are putty in my hands. You are starch in my breeches.
Does that line ever work?
You are the mint jelly on my pork chop. The intestine in my haggis.
I may be swooning.
It’s about time…
Well hello Trent.
Now what? Why do you have flowers?
They’re called ‘roses’.
You don’t know what those are, do you?
I said ‘roses’.
This isn’t working at all, you know.
I also have a Mars bar.
You can have the first bite.
Give me the whole thing and I might snuggle with you.
Promise? Hey, you ate my Mars! And the wrapper too!
Are you ready to snuggle?
But my chocolate bar! I was saving that!
Just lean in now, and watch where you put your hands.
Okay, have a nice day.
But that was a really short snuggle! Can I call you?
555-5555. 55. 5.
Wait, slower, let me write that down!
You’re a wanker.
I don’t know what that means! Does it mean you like me?
Find another chocolate bar and I’ll say yes.
Can I borrow some money?
Hey there’s some guy in sunglasses watching us.
He’s the owner of Comment Thread.
I’m pretty sure he’s taking pictures…
That’s creepy, yo!
Come here, you big lug.
Whoa… hey, easy, I’m not like that!
I think you are. Pucker up!
Holy beaver dung! You don’t waste any time!
Let’s give him a show.
Um yum yum yes… yes… yes…
I thought you had something else in mind…
I was hoping for something a little more romantic… sigh.
Yummy, yummy chocolate bar…
Is that a euphemism?
Yes. For chocolate bar. Now get me another one.
If you weren’t so damn hot…