We eat an average of 100 bananas a year, per person. Over a typical lifespan, that means we eat 8,000 bananas. The average banana is about 8 inches long, so that’s basically a length of bananas that is almost exactly 1 mile long. Almost 1 mile exactly. And that is where this starts. With 1 mile.
I sneezed twice on Saturday, once during dinner at a friend’s house. Everyone stopped and looked at me, so I wondered how often we sneeze. On average we sneeze 20 times a week, which means we sneeze 60,000 times in our life. We sneeze when when we’re alone, when we’re in company, when we’re sitting in bed reading. Whenever.
And on that note, in an average lifetime, it’s said that we read under 100 books. I’ve read more than that, and I’m sure you have too. Because I’ve sat in bed reading books and sneezing many a time, and sometimes I’ve even done so while chewing on a banana.
But there are other things we can do in bed. The average male loses his virginity at 17; the average female at about the same age. Women have an average of 4 sex partners in their lifetime, men have 7. So how did the average man find extra partners like that when the average woman doesn’t want them?
We produce 10,000 gallons of saliva in a lifetime. That either does or does not have anything to do with the above point.
Have a look at this: http://www.bls.gov/tus/charts/chart1.pdf.
If we work 8.8 hours/day and sleep 7.7 hours/day, that leaves 7.5 hours for The Other Stuff. I’m always curious about The Other Stuff. If we have children, we have less time for them than for any other main activity; we spend four times more time with our co-workers than we do with our children. So what exactly is a family these days? By the time you get home, you’ve got maybe 2 hours a day left for the kids. And of the non-work hours, you’re going to spend an average of 4 of those hours per day watching TV, so that’s not necessarily quality time with the little ones.
You might take 70,000,000 steps in your lifetime. I hope some of these steps are with our kids, outside, in the rain or the snow, in whatever weather our world is going to throw at us.
But when you’re not walking, you’re driving. And you’re going to drive 650,000 miles in your lifetime, and use 32,000 gallons of gasoline. Every gallon is going to emit 9 kg of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, so that’s almost 30 tonnes of carbon dioxide in your lifetime just from driving. We complain about carbon taxes and greenhouse gas credits, but at the voluntary market price of credits in North America, the extra cost applied to those 30 tonnes of carbon dioxide is about $150. That’s how much we value the effort to reduce greenhouse gases.
We will drink 15,000 gallons of water in a lifetime. An Olympic-sized swimming pool is 600,000 gallons (40 times what you drink), but you’re going to shower 30,000 times in your life and that will take 700,000 gallons, which is basically that swimming pool. So the water that washes over your body as you shower could provide enough drinking water for nearly 50 people.
In your life:
You’re going to go through 10 washing machines and 8 microwaves but 15 computers.
You’re going to use 200 toothbrushes.
You’re going to eat 2.5 tonnes of beef (that’s 4 full cows).
You’re going to produce 200 kilograms of banana peel, which could make 70 kilograms of compost if you let it.
You’re going to fly in the sky 40 times.
You’re going to own 12 cars.
You’re going to live in 10 homes.
You’re going to die once.
And you’re going to get in a car crash every 18 years. The insurers know this. They keep track. Driving is the most dangerous activity you do, by far, on an everyday basis. And you do it while eating. Talking on the phone. Texting. Applying make-up. Falling asleep.
And listen. 9,000,000 children under five die every year in developing countries. That’s 3.4 x 10^12 hours those kids won’t spend with their 3 kids if they’d had them. That’s untold gallons of water and puffs of diesel fume that aren’t necessary. That’s a trillion trillion dreams that won’t come true. And yes, none of our first world problems and statistics really cover these children. They are left to lie quite quietly in whatever dusty stretch of land that we can find.
Speaking of first-world statistics, the average family size is 3 kids, and that is the hopeful part of everything, because you’re going to try like hell to raise them right so that they can save the world. Our kids are going to have it worse than us, no doubt. They will. But does it really seem like they will make wars to the extent that we have? That they will stop caring about our planet or about people in other countries? That they won’t learn anything from us? I don’t think so. I think our kids can get away with eating only 1 cow in their lifetime, using only 10,000 gallons of gasoline, watching only 1 hour of TV a day. They might even be okay with showering less so that someone somewhere can actually have a drink of water that won’t make them sick.
But they can sneeze all they want.
And writers. An average of 1,500 words a day written over 40 weeks a year, 5 days a week, a 40-year writing lifetime, that’s 12,000,000 words total. And that means I just used 0.0082% of my allocation writing this. That seems so small.
And as for bananas… Tropical Race strains are out there (http://news.msn.com/science-technology/is-it-time-to-say-bye-bye-to-the-banana), and we don’t know if there will be bananas for our descendants. Imagine that, whole generations born without bananas, kids who grow up not knowing that there was once a fruit that came with its own, easy-to-remove, biodegradable packaging that didn’t require one ounce of fossil fuel to create.
Quite a number of the estimates used for this post came from here:
http://www.greencontributor.com/index.php/human-foot-print.html
I don’t like bananas!
Whaaaaaat???????
But I do like this post.
Whaaaaaaat???? Just kidding. Thanks Julie.
Sorry, Trent, I was being a bit too frivolous!
I have logged your distaste for bananas in hopes of using this knowledge against you some day.
Hmph. I tried to leave a comment on the first iteration, and then it got eaten. I shall try again.
There are some of us that screw up the bell curve.
(And because of that, we’ll have to write an instructional fuck menu)
I hear you, Lewin. I know you have something to say.
I will be brave: posts like this aren’t my cup of tea. It’s not that it’s poorly written, per se, it’s that you sound distant. Like you’re tired and frightened, but mostly tired.
Chin up, old chap. We’ll get through this.
Jones, thank you for honesty, I so appreciate that. I know it’s not your cup of tea, and I promise that my next post will be a feral, brazen piece of fiction that tries hard to be worthy of your talents… yet probably won’t be.
You know, I think you are so smart. Yes, tired is right. Tired and overwhelmed, but still trying.
So long as it’s feral, and you’re bleeding by the time you’re done, it’ll be worthy, and you know it.
I’m not smart. I just try to listen when you talk.
I have a feeling that if I ever get time again, the next one will be bloody bleeding out its guts.
No, love — YOU bleed. You tear it from your heart and breathe life into it and you bleed. I want to see you howl.
Stay tuned, Jones.
I look forward to it, Lewin.
Ha! A politely honest fellow. Honey to my cup of tea.
Well, I’d just say, it’s not very like the Trent to sail far away, only to return with some treasure. I hear you Trent. I discuss these issues with people who care to listen every time I can. And sometimes with some who don’t care to listen. We can only be comfortably secluded from harsher global realities for so long. We can never hide forever.
And yes, I am amongst those who desperately hope for a better future for the coming generation.
(Hahahaha! As though I were not a mere vicenarian and still part of the newer generation.)
Oops! Pardon. “…not very unlike the Trent.”
It’s a different sort of distance I reference. Mostly, it’s the tiredness. It’s all right — he knows what I’m looking for. And luckily, he doesn’t mind if I stumble about in here like a bit of a drunken idiot, so long as I do, in fact, remain polite. Or at least fucking awesome. I think.
I see.
Hahahaha…. The Trent has a queer collection of acquaintances.
We all float down here.
I picture a mass of odd-looking zombies drawn to the Trent’s scent.
Doesn’t that make me some kind of ultra-zombie?
It could also make you a pheromone-wielding zombieking.
I’m okay with that. A guy needs a hobbie.
A hobbie that now becomes his essence?
That would be the right way of looking at it, Doc. I think we call things that we want to do “hobbies” in the mistaken belief that this will lower our own expectations for ourselves, and introduce less risk into our lives. But this is just trickery. We are what we are. If we’re writers, I think we should say so and just get on with it. Amazing how long it took me to learn that lesson, but then I was never really the swiftest soul.
I am afraid I have to agree with you on that. Use a mask long enough, and soon you will forget what your other face looks like. Now we are already those things but we push them away, calling them mere hobbies. At times, however, we are not even our hobbies or our professional callings.
You’re counted amongst them, Doc.
Oh dear! Should I be afraid?
Always, Doc, always.
I give up.
Fucking awesome is the best way to describe you, Jones. Fucking fucking fucking awesome.
Oh Doc… I so miss you when you’re gone. Catastrophe is not a fellow, by the way, and I’m not sure if ‘politely honest’ really fits. More like wild and feral and blazing. You should go to her blog. I suspect that you will like her, a lot, as I do.
Hope for better future is a funny thing. As we’ve discussed, this is my daily battle, and it is very daunting and hard. But I believe our children will save us, in the end. They have to.
I see. Will check her out soon as I can. This is not the first you’d be correcting my perception of the gender of your commenter. You really have them.
Indeed, we have had course to mention a similar thing once and you were also the more optimistic regarding the children and future. Hmmm.
Our children are smarter than us. They appear the opposite, but when it matters, I think they will do better than us.
Believe me, Sir Trent, I want to hope so. I hope so. I really do.
Hope along with me, Doc.
I hope to.
Holy SHIT.
Two things: I need to write more, shower quicker and start a compost heap.
Four partners? Really? I found that surprising.
Heya Nadia, morning (or guess evening for you). As long as you don’t shower in the compost heap, you’ll be fine.
I was surprised by the four partners too. For some people, that’s a half-decent morning.
Morning! It’s been a while… Missed your posts…
Right?! And not to worry. I only shower in Nutella.
Heya… speaking of missing posts…. I may only post once every week or couple of weeks, but you Nadia, you got me beat.
Your love of Nutella is now legend.
I know. I’m such an overachiever.
Actually, I’ve got a little something for you to read pre-tty soon, so dry those scotchy tears.
My tears are pure single malt.
Looking forward to it, Nadia.
You’re starting a movement with those showers!
Yeah… I think I might be okay knowing more about these Nutella showers.
I’m one short myself on my quota. How did that happen? Some greedy someone else must have had eight when I wasn’t looking.
Dan. I feel for you, I do.
I, on the other hand, must have had another woman’s share. Poor me.
Oh Dan… you crack me up.
Saw that you posted something, I will get to it later tonight. Curious to see what you have to say this time.
I don’t think I’ll use my allotment of flying allowance. Hopefully my children will make a positive difference in the world.
A world without bananas … I don’t think I like that. Figuratively or literally
Dude. My comment is gone.
That’s me up there anonymous
Oh hey, sorry Audra. I don’t know what’s going on, perhaps WordPress is telling me I suck… this post got issued and went weirdo haywire. Don’t know what’s going on.
The banana thing is real, by the way. The typical types we eat may all be wiped out.
I believe you. It’s frighting
Kinda worse when you live in the world of this stuff. Somewhat exhausting.
You express it well.
Audra it is because you are so silent on the internet – it was having trouble remembering your name! 🙂
Haaa. Good one mr. Merlin. I’m clearing out the fog in my brain.
Can you help with the fog in mine?
I think I grow denser between the ears with each passing year…
That’s the problem I am having. When can we just say the hell with it?
You can say that any time you like – but you can never leave. Hey wait a minute that reminds me of a hotel…
I’m not going anywhere. Neither are you
You both better be around.
There you go, getting all cerebral. I thought that was supposed to be my job. You done good, pard.
Being typically human, I’m on my way to Walmart to buy up all the bananas and bottled water they have so my great-great grand-kids can have some…and on one else. There is so much so wrong and so true in that last sentence.
I know, I thought my job was to be inflammatory and vague and all fiction-oriented… which really is what my job is. Making stories. But sometimes other things leak out.
Cerebral might be the wrong word for a loose collection of stats that can be challenged pretty easily. But I do happen to like numbers.
What’s the average for car accidents? Because I really want to stay on the right of that bell curve, but I’ve been slacking lately, what with not driving for my commute.
I think it would technically count if a car struck you as you were walking across a busy NYC street or something…
I seem to be going about life all wrong according to the statisticians. I do like me some bananas, though.
I remember reading (or maybe hearing) somewhere that bananas could be used as the perfect means of delivering medicines to children in third world countries.
Those kids can’t catch any f***ing breaks, can they?
Yup, first we don’t send them any medicines, and then we take away the delivery device for the medicines if we did feel like sending them. Some day soon, someone will use the excuse of “no bananas left” to justify not doing anything. All those wasted banana hooks… what a shame.
Wow! That’s a lot of numbers. They are all dancing in front of my eyes. Some are mocking me. I know I used up my quota of sneezes by the time I was 17. It makes me very sad that there will be children who will never know a banana. I don’t have children so I messed up that number as well, but I am sad for everyone else’s children.
Yeah Michelle.. I think the bananas might be the least of our kids’ worries… but I think they’re up to the challenge. They better be.
Stop skewing the averages!
I’ve always been a wee bit skewed.
I’ve noticed.
I’ve got the average banana eater beat by the significant margin. Have a banana almost every morning. The only time I don’t is when the ones on the counter have finally reached the stage of overripe that leads me gagging if I try to eat them.
Liked this though … all those statistics mean nothing. It’s about the kids and our undying hope for the future.
Yup, they will redeem us I think. Just have to have some faith in them.
I like bananas … and they go well with a Fluffernutter Deluxe …. http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2013/11/25/on-an-afa-deluxe/
If a person expelled all their farts in water, how many bubbles would they create?
Ugh…. I can’t stand the thought of peanut butter and bananas. Maybe the bananas are going the self-extinction route cause they know they should not be in any sandwich with anything, especially peanut butter.
Okay, so the fart question… I could calculate this. But I’d rather watch the bubbles in my beer at the present moment…. I am so lazy.
Therefore … enjoy the beer(s).
Done!
That a way!
If there are no bananas there goes my favourite knock knock joke
knock knock
who’s there?
banana
banana who?
knock knock
who’s there?
banana!
banana who!?
knock knock
who is there??
orange
orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Oh the things we do to make our children crazy 🙂
I love that joke… my kids tell it all the time. But don’t worry, the joke will still be around, we just have to substitute apple for banana… until the apples go too.
What rhymes with orange?
sporange does but only a botanist would know that so keep it a secret okay?
There is no way I’m keeping that a secret… long have I searched for the word that rhymes with orange… plus I’m a huge fan of that band:
The four eng-
ineers
Wore orange
brassieres.
~~Willard Espy~~
Hey, it happens to the best of us.
the point William was making is that “four eng” does rhyme with “orange” 🙂
Oooohhhh….. I thought you were jabbing at my p.eng status.
Well yeah I was doing that as well – but it was amusing that the answer was related to your p.eng 🙂
just like purple is also connected to engineers!
Huh…
and the “silver” ring
silver doesn’t rhyme either…
apparently engineers don’t like rhymes!
Well, it is technically an iron ring…
I did not know that nothing rhymed with silver, that’s a new one. What is it with colours and rhyming? There’s a huge poem in here somewhere, my friend.
Oh damn this way too funny – the internet has everything and Mr. Google makes it all findable!
http://orangerhymez.appspot.com/
abridge – acknowledge – acreage – adage – adjudge – advantage – age – allege – anchorage – appendage – arbitrage
I submit that none of these in fact rhyme with orange.
I bet you’re turning purple right now.
Those are partial rhymes – but not very satisfying ones at that!
And purple, please?
Yeah I got nothing
purple turtle is as good as it gets 🙂
I’ll take that one.
I think you just named a new drink, by the way.
a purple turtle
met a purple squirrel
purple circle
purple startle
together they made a purple chortle
this poem mostly purple hurtful
You need to publish that and tag it “purple” to you heart’s content. Know how many people may be looking for exactly this????
I hope they are not really looking for that!
perhaps I should write of purple oranges and be done with it 🙂
Apparently there is an archaic word that does rhyme with purple – the word is curple. A Scottish word for the hind quarters of a horse. Who knew?
Ah, the hind quarters of a horse… the historical answer to so so many questions.
As you requested – now I wonder if it will get me an hits 🙂
http://merlinspielen.com/2014/04/16/poem-purple-oranges/
Hee hee hee… I like it.
Seemed an appropriate statistical test given the blog topic that started it all!
I have to admire a poet that goes after a poem about words that don’t rhyme. You are either very talented or highly disturbed… wait, I forgot, you’re a poet, so that would be both (note, this is my jealousy of poets speaking).
I feel a disturbance in the force
Highly disturbed is the correct answer. 🙂
This is good. I like highly disturbed.
Well Purple Oranges is now my top post of the month. In less than 24 hours! Which makes me happy and oddly sad. Silliness always trumps art…
Monty Python should have been my touchstone…
It’s not JUST silliness, my friend, but it is JUST art. It’s art. It’s creativity and joy and dare I say, a measure of exuberance. I love that word. I love art that shows it. It is an exuberant piece of art.
but…but…
I didn’t even really try!
Sometimes that’s the trick. It just flows, effortless, and the writing reflects that. My best stuff is always unplanned, it just comes from the soul.
Thanks Yoda! 😛
“No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.”
Hey, when you’re a little green man who’s lived eight hundred years, you have to have learned something…
Ha! point to your nose and ask them (your children) how to spell it? After 3 or 4 times of them telling you “n-o-s-e” tell em no each time. Then correct them. “i-t”
I’m going to try that one on them, Julie.
Dude, I think I drank 15,000 gallons of water last year alone.
And I know I’ve flown at least 20-25 times in any given year, so my carbon footprint is horrific. Basically I’m the devil.
Don’t worry, we’ll be in hell together. With pretty much everyone else in the western world. I’ll bring a banjo…
And some tequila, please.
Do you mind vodka? Vodka goes really well with banjo music, I’ve learned.
Do I mind vodka? Vodka is my best friend. Tequila just seems the quicker numbing agent, it being hell, and all.
I’m pretty sure the devil would not allow tequila in hell.
By the way, Art and I have a table reserved down there. Would you like a chair or a stool?
Hmm…to believe in Hell, you’d have to believe in Heaven, right?…
…therein lies my problem.
Does this mean that the devil has to believe in heaven in order to exist?
Now you’re just making my head hurt, Trent.
Sorry dude. My head hurts because of the a-lcohol.
And assuming it exists, I’ll lay claim to that massage table over there to the side. It has a cup holder, right?
Of course… see, you should really talk to Fay at spacurious about the massage angle… that’s probably her manning it the table. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she were the devil herself.
It was exactly her I thought of when I requested the massage table. I’m dying to hear what harsh words she’ll have for my bad behavior on the table. 🙂
It can’t possibly be as bad as her behaviour… in the nicest possible way of course.
Judging by her last post and her abhorrence of diving, of the muff variety, her behaviour seems to be far more proper than mine.
Oh boy… but apparently, spring one large penis out from under the towel, and it’s game over. Sprinkle on some dollars, and… well. What the hell were we talking about again?
I can’t produce what I don’t possess. 🙂 It’s Hell. I’m sure I could turn her, eventually.
I am not putting that past you, Nancy.
Come on, who can resist pie? Everyone caves, eventually.
You know, you are single-handedly making me feel better about the fate of the planet.
And my work here is done. 🙂
Fun stuff Trent. Love the post title. Your versatility is unique. Not everyone can have so many voices.
According to these statistics, I am the whore that I already knew I was.
And I got a banana with your name all over it.
I’m glad I could provide you with some validation, Fay. Thanks for that, each of the voices thanks you too.
Big banana or little banana?
Size is in the hand of the beholder. I’m a massage therapist so I’ve got pretty big hands…
You know, there are a lot of things to like about you.
I feel tiny.
Your “And listen.” Is that a subtle shout-out to Vonnegut or am I over-reaching?
I wish it were… I’m a big fan. But no, just me spewing stuff onto the keyboard.
So it goes.
I did a post like this called: Fun With Numbers… except mine added up all the hours we spend sitting on a toilet, stuck in traffic, watching TV commercials, working, shaving, stuff like that, and then compared it to the number of times we fall in love and get told we are doing good at work… so… uh… oh, and I eat a banana almost every morning now… so once again, I am a statistical freak of nature…
You are a freak of nature in more ways than one, my man.
I have been pretty up front about that
Better than out back…
Don’t dis the Australians!
The Australians have sweet out backs.
oh my
Hey, I’m just saying… Canadians, meanwhile, have more prominent front pieces. Americans… still trying to figure it out. I guess you got that Dick Cheney fellow, so I guess that’s kind of a calling card.
I love that he was our spokesman for a while
I wonder what ever happened to Mr. Cheney?
He still croaks out an evil opinion now and then
Who counts all this stuph??
Nerds. Rooms and rooms full of nerds. It smells in here…
That just made me think of Revenge of the Nerds. I love that movie.
I never saw it. How come anytime someone mentions a movie these days, I haven’t seen it? I thought I saw everything already. I’m a poor fanboy.
Oh, man. It’s hilarious. You should check it out.
whoa, stats… I really liked that picture of a sunset from Mars though, how cool is that?
I know… looks kind of like Earth, doesn’t it?
It does, but knowing where it is actually makes it a little spooky.
Makes me think we could live there one day.
I think that will happen at some point in the future.
One of the many reasons I won’t have kids and I try not to watch too much TV. Time is of the essence to write/blog/read/explore. 🙂 First world statistics are particularly disturbing in that they show how much time is used uselessly by most people. Interesting and scary.
Yup, we spend a lot of time on strange stuff, Sara. Our first-world problems are a bit off-side.
Got to say, my kids are a reason for writing, for me. They give me some pretty endless inspiration. But they also do take time, no doubt there.
This was fun/fascinating/disturbing reading, Trend. 100 books in a lifetime is seriously depressing — so says this banana lover. But do you know how many people slip on a banana peel in their lifetime?????????
That is a stat I haven’t seen before… honestly, I barely need a banana peel to help me slip.
My seven-year-old has read more than 100 books I think. I can’t understand how people could have read less than this.
Bananas aren’t the only food we’ll need to worry about if our honeybees become extinct. We’ll all be subsisting on wheat and corn and soy. And what about peak oil, which most experts believe we will very soon reach (if we haven’t already)? I actually don’t think you sound tired or scared. I think you sound realistic. Unfortunately, I believe your warning call is a few decades too late.
More than likely, Miranda. I think there are some good minds working in correcting things, but the competing interests create a real problem. There’s still hope. But I think it’s our kids’ generation that is going to have to figure this out… or the one after that.
Yes. I just feel a tad overwhelmed by all these stats and we make such poor choices. You can’t go wrong with a banana fe fi fo fanna though, can you? I better get back to writing.
Amy, fe fi fo fanna?
Back to writing is probably a good idea. What are you working on?
Oooh, numbers! (FYI, “Every gallon is going to emit 9 kg of carbon dioxide” – 0.9 kg, you mean? Sorry, when I read numbers, there is a reasonability audit going on in my head)
Also, an explanation for why men have 7 partners while women have 4 is that men tend to exaggerate the number of their sexual partners while women tend not to. (That’s assuming that the partners are of opposite gender – if not, that’s another explanation)
The 9 is right. It’s stochiometric in terms of the combustion equation. A certain amount of liquid diesel produces extra moles of CO2 during the combustion process.
X, only you would come up with a good explanation for that. I was trying to work it out mathematically by the number of men versus women in the developed world, but that wasn’t working… I like your explanation way better.
You’re right, I forgot that CO2 is mostly oxygen by weight. And gasoline is mostly carbon. So 9kg sounds right. And according to my calculations, it means that every week, my commute to work and back releases about my body weight in CO2. Wow.
This brings into play the biogenic argument. The reason that your bodyweight of CO2 is bad is because it stems from a thermogenic source. Fossil fuel exposes a carbon source that would never have had the chance to be emitted in that form were it not for human activity. But if we replaced your gasoline with some kind of biofuel, say from a vegetable product, you would still emit the same quantity of carbon dioxide (or thereabouts), but the carbon that made the plants is sequestered from the atmosphere. So burning it just sends it back up into the atmosphere, and it becomes a cycle.
This totally ignores the fact that we might need fossil fuel to grow our vegetable feedstock and to transport and process it, but it’s probably better than burning deep deposits of old dinosaurs.
I eat a banana with my cold cereal approximately 4x a week for a total of 208 a year, leaving behind me a banana trail of almost 2 miles. But on the other hand, I sleep than 7.7 hours a night, I drive fewer miles than most (walk and take public transit, mostly), therefore I consume less gas. But I have flown many more times than 40. I have probably gone through more than 15 computers, but fewer washing machines and microwaves than 10 and 8, respectively. 12 cars? 10 homes? Probably. And as far as having sexual partners, who’s counting?
So am I a conspicuous consumer, a greenhouse gas contributor, or a good citizen?
Fascinating post, Trent. I enjoy seeing how far off from average I actually am.
Well, Doobster, I would classify you as slightly off the average in terms of the curve, probably tending towards the good side of the equation.
wow, you’re just a hairy ass gorilla…. I eat like one banana a month. I have driven over a million miles, though, due to a few jobs I’ve had, and roadtripping across the US and back like 5 times. I also take half hour showers, and am the reason there are children dying of thirst. sorry, but it’s my one indulgence.. I go until the hot water runs out, which probably raises my carbon footprint, along with flying probably 50 times in my life… damn, it’s a good thing I compost and recycle!! I just realized I’m going directly to hell for killing the planet and a million other people! I am on a well, tho, so I think that gives me a pass… but with my allergies I used to sneeze around 60 times in a row, several times a day before I moved here, so I made up for the water use by supplying mounds of snot!!! Thirsty???
It all balances out, Shards, and eventually we hit the nice middle-of-the-road average. But seriously, if I sneezed 60 times in a row, my brains would be splattered all over the place.
lol, the doctor told me to get the fk out of Arizona before I had a heart attack!!! so I did!!!
Well, northwest looks and sounds lovely to me.
You should have used a banana instead of a cat on that other post…I wouldn’t be bothered in the least about a banana being eaten in the elevator.
I eat bananas in the elevator all the time! Cats… not usually.
I have not eaten a cat either, at least not to the best of my knowledge. (Ya never know what those crazy asian restaurants are serving) But I bet they taste like chicken.
I’m just back from a holiday. We went to a “dude” ranch to ride horses. One evening, the entertainment was a magician. He pulled me on stage. I gave him a $20 bill. Some comedy ensued. The pretty assistant brought out a banana. I pealed it, bit into it and there was my $20.
I have always been amazed that I can get a lovely banana–a tropical fruit–in the middle of February in the middle of Manhattan. That’s just the best thing ever to me.
There’s money in bananas, you know Mark.
Bananas are wonderful things, but you might have to brush up on plantain or something. The days of the poor banana may indeed be numbered.
I hope that’s not accurate. I really love ’em! Peanut butter + banana + honey on Italian bread = HEAVEN. Try it if you don’t believe me.
Yuck. Frank responded with a similar confection filled with chocolate chips and marshmallow creme to boot. I can’t put bananas and peanut butter together. They’re cute on their own, but they have no future together.
You must.
Never!
I didn’t read the other comments because I’m on my phone and it won’t let me so someone might have said this already buuuut…
I’m wondering about the sexual partners statistic. It doesn’t make sense to me. There’s a popular theory around the “rule of 3” that basically says men and women lie about how many partners they’ve had. You multiply a woman’s figure by three and divide a guy’s by three.
Yeah, as X says in here somewhere, it’s likely the reporting that’s the problem. I don’t know if the exaggerations are as bad as you indicate, but they’re probably pretty difference. The math just doesn’t add up…
My head…it just exploded…did you hear it?
No worries, Jaded, we have some good doctors up hereabouts, we can likely put your noggin back together again. Also, fair play- you routinely send my head for loops with your posts.
Touchez.
I had a banana with my lunch. Wholly stats! Yeash
Stats are delicious, Masta Z. Just like banananananananas.
Nom nom
You know, there’s a brand of lima beans called “nom nom”. True story. Okay, no it’s not, but I had to bring up the beans. I been bringin up da beans, Masta Z!
Oh no TT TL Rappa Lewin, not the beans!
Bring out the beans! Bring out the beans! Let them soak in the sunshine, until all the great land of Canada can smell em. Sooooo good for you.
No no Rappa not good, bad very bad! I say Nay Nay!
Just kiddin Masta Z, you come over and I’ll slaughter a nice big cow and toss the hunks on the bbq. Propa style.
Now we’re talking!
I’m surprised people only read 100 books, this is interesting stuff. I don’t understand how men have 7 partners and women 4, shouldn’t it sort of be even on average, like who are all these women the men are sleeping with?
Well, they could be men I guess… that would even things out.
I think there’s a large majority of people who have read less than 100 books. Doesn’t make much sense. I’ve read what feels like thousands.
Yeah from the moment I learned to read I was like ‘oh my god this is the best thing ever!’ I read less now because I let myself get distracted by the net too much, but is still love reading. By the way did you work out those mile of banana statistics yourself!
Yah yah, I’m a math sort of nerd.
I know what you mean about reading. I spend a lot of time reading blogs these days, and quite love it.
Right? I think I read 100 books before I got to jr high!
Honestly? I have no idea how many partners I have had..way more than 7 I know that much.
I think most people will say that. Especially the guys.
This is fascinating! And depressing, kind of. But also uplifting : ) I was about to clamor that I don’t spend nearly 2.8 hours on leisure on a work day (and usually I don’t), but today I did, so I feel like I totally got away with something. Yay! I hope our kids solve the world’s problems and never run out of bananas. Also, I drink more than my share of water, but I’ll try to shower less to compensate…
A compost shower, perhaps? Could be refreshing.
Reblogged this on Batok kelapa.
Oh no I am already on my 15th computer and am way past 10 Holmes, is this the beginning of my end or do you think I can manage another 5 PC’s. I guess smokers get through PC’s much quicker :D. when I worked for a computer repairer I found that the average PC was actually 7 years old, rather than the recommended 4-5 years, sorry i find average computer ages interesting. My least lived computer was about a year old and £1500 died in a thunderstorm 🙁 thank god for insurance.
Live long and prosper Trent.
You too Bruce. I buy Apple computers now, and they both seem to live forever and work so well that you don’t really notice when they get older. I wish I was like that…
Steps taken, books read, miles driven, gas consumed, bananas eaten, words written… I’m bringing the average up on those stats.
Hours slept? I’m bringing the average down on that one.
And we don’t turn on the TV until the Little Prince is sleeping… and we know that can be a battle that rages long into the night.
Some fun with numbers…
Meant to help us see things a bit differently? Meant to stick in our minds and have us re-think some of our behaviors? Shower a little faster… Drive a little less… Actually pay attention while driving too… Reuse, Repurpose, Recycle… Take care of ourselves and our planet and our children’s futures all at the same time…
Possibly, Matticus. I strongly believe in the one good end. If you pick one good thing to push for, other good things fall into place. For me, it’s assuring a good world for my kids. That sets everything else into place.
Assuring a good world for our kids…
Ambitious… I wish I believed I could have any impact to make that happen on a broader scale. I guess I’ll just have to be happy with the choices and actions I can take at home to set them on the right path.
And that would be the start, wouldn’t it? If everyone thought that way, we’d be okay.
A home grown revolution. We have to start with ourselves and hope that others are watching and join in.
Yes. I’m sure this is one revolution that will be televised.
Hahahaha
I need to post some videos of all my parenting fails.
You forgot to put in how much time one spends reading all the comments on your blog while eating bananas and ignoring their kids. But thanks to this, I have decided to start scheduling sneezes. I think it might be kind of fun to wait and sneeze out all my sneezes at Disneyland on Space Mountain. I think it would really add a lot. Both to the sneeze and to the ride.
Sorry Linda V. Remind me not to visit Disneyland when you are in the neighborhood.
If you had your eyes open when you sneezed your eyeballs would be forced out of their sockets
I did not know that. Now that I do, I’m borderline terrified of sneezing ever again.
You can have my extra bananas if I can have more books. I’d ask for extra sleep, but I don’t even use all the time I have now. As for the 4 sex partners. Clearly…women are lying their (totally-doing-more) fucking asses off.
Who needs sleep when you could be eating cows or reading books? Or both together? Don’t tell me you’re another banana hater. I don’t get the banana dislike.
Girls might be lying but I figure the guys are lying worse.
I am not a banana hater.. I like bananas, as long they’re perfectly ripe. If they’re under/over, I can’t get into them.
I have eaten so many cows…
Me too. And they were all so good… Hell, I just finished eating one.
Let’s not forget that the 7.5 hours left for other stuff still gets eaten up by work: you spend time getting ready in the morning, commuting, and then recovering from the workday. On the weekends, you get ready for the next workweek – grocery shopping, laundry, errands, etc.
I like how you pulled the stats together to mean something. I already try to minimize my own personal impact on the environment and should probably do more, but I have full lives on Candy Crush so I should probably get back to that…
I’m avoiding Candy Crush like the plague… too many addictions already.
Yeah, don’t start. I got over my Angry Birds addiction a long time ago and now Candy Crush is even worse. I have to charge my phone multiple times a day just to keep the battery alive for my gaming habit.
You suck, Windram (I only say that to people I like). Stop playing and write blog stuff!
I do suck. But Candy Crush has all those pretty colors and it tells me I’m awesome all the time. I guess I need the constant reassurance.
And it’s not just the blog that’s neglected – it’s the book too!
Nooooo!!!!! Come on Windram, discard the distractions and have at it. How can some game be as important as your book????? Have at it, push through, start with a glass of wine.
Thought I’d give you an update … you’ll be so proud … I’m three days clean of my Candy Crush habit and have no desire to play it again. Let’s just hope there isn’t a relapse.
It’s not a drug you know!
Tell that to the millions of people who are completely obsessed – playing instead of working, hiding their habit from their loved ones, draining their bank accounts for extra lives…
I did a “how to peel a banana” post once.
You’re kidding…
Nope.
http://theofficialhowtoblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/18/how-to-peel-a-banana/
Dude. You’re so weird. In the best possible way. I just read it. Wow.
I will take that was a compliment.
I have to say my brain hurts a bit by all of these dizzying statistics. So informative and interesting. I love bananas. More so, I love the banana that is hanging from a noose. Is it morbid that I laughed out loud at the picture?
I really like the “other time”. Though I wish we had more of that and less of “work time”.
Not morbid at all. That banana had it coming!
So true 🙂
Whoa, stats. Such an interesting post Trent; you raised some really great points: ie, “So how did the average man find extra partners like that when the average woman doesn’t want them?” :’D
Hey thanks! I hadn’t thought about this one in a while, but I love me some stats. By the way, I can’t answer any of the questions I pose – kind of a cop out, eh?
Stats are pretty damn awesome, and that’s coming from a teenager. That comes to no surprise: those questions are ultimate!
What? You’re a teenager? Really? You seem older, more mature.
Ahaa, 15. But don’t tell anyone…
Anyhow, I guess that’s a compliment?
Dude, that’s a total compliment. I can hardly believe you’re 15, that’s completely bugnuts.
I don’t feel that different from most other teenagers. I guess I just share my views and opinions in a more appropriate manner than most. As for the word “bugnuts”, that is one heck of a word.
I love that word… it conveys a lot by saying essentially nothing. I often say that my writing is bugnuts. I don’t know how to describe it. That said, I didn’t invent the word.
Anyway, fantastic – I think you have some very insightful views. Forgive my lack of popping over to your site, I’m travelling like a bloody madman all over the place these days, but that shall end shortly.
No, but whoever did invent the word deserves some sort of recognition or appreciation for sure.
Thank you. And no rush, I’ll always be here. At least, I’m not planning on going anywhere some time soon…
85% of people who submit their work to a literary journal never read the journal.
Which is really sad. I actually do read lit journals!
And how do you know this stat, by the way?
I read that stat in a lit journal one time. It was a writing on writing type of article. I often see advice on the submissions page of journals, words to the effect: “The best way to know what we publish is to read our journal.”