“Can you give me your phone?”
“What for?” asks Marla. Still, she does what he says, and Ben tucks it into his pocket like it’s his.
“Go ahead and climb ahead of me,” he nods. The ladder is painted white. Marla touches it and wonders how many people have come up here before.
“Can I have a hit first?” she asks. It feels like a sensible request, and not one that Ben would normally turn down. The first time she’d met him, he’d been so high that he couldn’t remember her name. The memory problem has stayed with him. Sometimes, he looks at her as though searching for her name, as though he has to walk miles to find the signpost where it’s splayed on with loose staples, flapping in the street wind.
But this time he shakes his head. “I’m clean. I told you. Go on up.”
Marla puts her hands on the rungs above her head. In her mind, this is simple. This is only a ladder. She has come to this tower with a man who she has never slept with, though she suspects he has done something to her a few times when she has been passed out. Ben’s eyes are purple, then green – then some other colour that Marla fancies as the sweat begins to pool on her forehead, and she asks again for another hit.
Then she is climbing. This is the tallest tower in the world, she is told. He has taken her up it successively by glass elevator, by stairs, by a service elevator, by three sets of narrow stairwells, and now, finally, this white ladder. The sweat is in her eyes, and her hands feel as though they are going to lose their grip. She wants her phone back, any kind of anchor to the ground that would remind her of what the street feels like.
“There’s a hatch,” she says, encountering it first with the top of her head. The metal rings.
Ben is a few feet below. He calls up the combination to the lock, and Marla puts the rings to their correct placement. She drops the lock, and somehow Ben catches it. “You’re fast today,” she tells him, the best compliment she has available. He nods to the hatch, which Marla shoves open to a view of stars and opalescent dreams, to the past and future clouds that muck up the heavens but are presently not available to obscure all the pale, waving light. A gust of air attaches itself to Marla’s clothes, searching her body like a bouncer as she hauls herself up.
“Stay down!” yells Ben. “Hold the railing on the side.”
And then, suddenly, Marla is on a patch of round steel that is about the diameter of her body. Her fingers find the railing – maybe a foot tall – that runs around the perimeter of the circle, and navigate their way to the vertical supports that anchor the thin strip of metal. She shimmies over so that Ben can follow her through the hatch.
“I know you won’t listen,” says Ben, “but don’t stand up. You don’t need to unless you really, well – unless you just really need to.”
Marla feels the need to pee, but there is no facility present to allow her to do that, and she feels stupid asking Ben for a pit stop. “Look, can I have the hit now? This might be the world’s strangest place for that, but I’m game…”
The hatch closes. It rings like a bell.
“Ben?” asks Marla. “Hi Ben. Open the hatch.”
She closes her eyes. She waits, then: “Ben. Open the hatch.”
Marla starts to count. When she was six, she had insomnia, and a family friend suggested that she count numbers out-of-order. So she does. It starts at twelve and involves every number from zero to two hundred, all completely out of order, all imprinted in a sequence that only Marla knows, and that she suspects might be of importance somehow. She is counting. The numbers whip by. She is six years old again, golden and in a dress, and she is in a convertible, riding along the ocean with an ice cream in her hand. But the numbers end. And she has to open her eyes.
She reaches a hand back and tugs on the hatch cover. It doesn’t move.
“Motherfucker,” she mutters. Options absent, alternatives denuded, she pulls herself towards the railing and looks over the edge.
This, she thinks, is only a city. There are hundreds of them in the world. Thousands. They have been here forever. They are going to last until the end of the world. But the difference is that this one is entirely below her: a million streets, lit with lampposts and headlights, storefronts and traffic signals. The blocks stretch everywhere, some so flat they are indistinguishable from the pavement, others reaching up towards her so grandly that had they been just a bit braver, she might have been able to reach out to touch them. Spotlights circle the city, all of them below her. Sounds climb the concrete of her tower, clomping gargling voices and mechanical noises that rise like pyramids, with only the keenest sounds making it to the top, and those so worn out from the trip that she doesn’t have a clue what they are anymore. Before her, to the south as she sees it, there is a great black emptiness of lake, the sporadic lights upon it just flirting, hinting notations that reflect on themselves and make the blackness all the bigger. In the distance beyond the lake – another city, then another one beyond it, and as far as Marla can see, endless reams of space going off in all directions.
The tower is swaying. She realizes it when she stares at the lake and the shore, sees how they are seemingly moving. A second later, the kebab that she found in a garbage can on Front Street sails out of her mouth, a rainbow bridge arcing over the city until the wind snatches it up and tosses it back at her. Suddenly, there is kebab in her hair and lettuce in her nose. She throws up again, under the railing, letting her lucky meal descend into the faraway lights.
“Ben…” she calls. Her voice is hoarse with acid. She remembers that he took her phone – seemed like such a strange thing to do at the time. “Ben!” she screams, but it’s a puny sound, not even really a sound at all at the top of the world.
“Ah Ben,” she pleads. “Please Ben. I really have to pee.”
She holds it in, knowing that Ben will come for her soon. Purple eyed/green-eyed Ben, who claims that he’s gone straight, and perhaps he has, and maybe this is just his way of scaring Marla so that she will go straight too. It’s a lesson, she thinks – a detoxification next to the stars. But Ben doesn’t come, and all Marla wants is a big roll of twine to wrap around her bladder, telling it to back off, that she’s in control. Marla is sweating. The wind gusts in her face. She grits her teeth and holds onto the metal uprights, breathing against the swaying of the tower.
When the urine comes, it feels warm at first, but cools fast. She lets it all go, until she feels soaked and horrible. She has not showered in days, and now she is coated in her own vomit and pee.
“Close your eyes,” she says to herself. But the stars don’t give her that luxury. “Don’t listen,” she whispers. But every now and then, something that sounds suspiciously like a car horn floats to her altitude, as though this is all a dream and she is about to wake up on a subway grate. “Don’t believe in this,” she continues. But the wind doesn’t care about Marla’s aptitude for belief, any of her convictions (had she any), or where and when she might pick up any of these human characteristics that are commonly not associated with a mindless yet bright blond-haired junkie who refuses to get tattoos because she might pick up a disease. The wind, unfortunately, just blows.
The tower sways under its heightening strength. Marla tips forward. It’s not hard to lock her arms against the mild pitch, stopping herself from sliding forward, but she is ultimately more concerned about the larger view of the city she suddenly has. She can see straight down, or so she thinks, as she sways further and further until she is sure that her added weight has somehow destabilized the very top of the tower enough that it will now simply snap and fall to the ground. It tips until her arms strain, and hangs in space for a moment before it jerks back. The return journey, of course, is much worse. The tower moves backward as though it is on a spring, picking up speed until Marla’s arms straighten and her feet brush the railing behind her. The tower bucks, until Marla feels like she’s holding on to the top of a sheer wall, with nothing behind her but endless equations made of gravity, all of which are strangely strong but not worth a damn in supporting her dangling feet.
Forwards and backwards the tower sways, every time a little bit further. Marla is praying, but all that’s coming out is memorized numbers, zero to two hundred, a secret order she swore must be the key to unlocking some mystery of the world. But not today. Definitely not today.
The first raindrops feel like fingers. “Ben!” she screeches, thinking this is him touching her, but more mad at him than relieved. But Ben doesn’t have a dozen fingers, let alone fifty, let alone a hundred, let alone an ongoing pattering that never ends. It’s falling in sheets as the tower sways, soaking her hair and her clothes, making her heavier still. There is wetness on her hands, seeping along the crevices of her fingers, threatening to neatly lubricate her grip on the metal studs.
Marla’s body slides over the wet surface of the tower’s tip. She crashes hips and elbows and knees against the railing, picking up a bruise each time. When the wind gusts even higher, she is thrust forward and her elbows simply cannot lock. Her face smashes against the railing, knocking out teeth and filling her mouth with blood. Almost, her body flips over the railing and out into the tremendous space of the wind-blown city beneath her. What remains of her mouth she uses to clench the railing, torn-up gums chomping on the metal as her hands wrap themselves around the railing and anchor themselves there.
Torn and bruised, Marla realizes that she never even saw the clouds come in. They just swooped down on her when she wasn’t looking. That makes her laugh. She opens her mouth and drinks the rain, letting the cold water enter her like a waterfall. And still she is laughing, because not three hours ago, she was raiding garbage cans for food, and the single greatest thing that had happened to her in the last month appeared in the form of a quarter-eaten sandwich wrapped in foil – a kebab, one that she has now neatly returned to the hard pavement where it was made.
The tower sways. The rain picks up. And Marla kneels, as though this thing she is on is a boat, and what’s below her is just the ocean. Marla can swim. She knows how. Falling overboard is just a matter of kicking for the surface, she thinks, and emboldened by that thought, she pushes against the railing and stands up.
Perhaps the wind has relented or perhaps Marla has learned the swaying frequency of the tower’s movements, but she doesn’t fall. Instead, she rocks her weight from side to side, following the pitch and heave of the surface. Soon, she is so comfortable with it that she raises her head and drinks more rain – the rain that is making her clean. Hands rip away her clothing and let it flutter into the wind, where it reassembles into a body-shape, a type of Marla that is apparently able to fly. She can see it waving at her, as it slips into the storm and then appears one final time in a flash of lightning.
There are flashes of electricity everywhere, harsh bits of violence that seem anxious to hit her but invariably part into fragments that get lost in the lightning rods below. A bolt slashes so close to her that she could have reached out to touch it – she never realized that lightning was so big, and so cold. Her body tingles as it passes. When the thunder follows, the tower shakes, the rumbles loud enough to make her remaining teeth slam against each other.
“Motherfucker!” she screams, half an inch from being thrown into the wind, where her wingless spirit couldn’t muster a single blessing to save her from the long, downwards drop. Atop the tower, Marla is wild in the storm, arms upraised and screaming as the lightning plunges and the rain plummets and the wind hurtles her back and forth – here, she is the master of all the world even though she has never even been master of her own body.
The storm blows most of the night. It came from no where, and to no where it then recedes. Marla doesn’t see it go. She is lying on the tower top, sleeping, when the clouds break and the wind passes south over the lake. She is dreaming of absolutely nothing, aware of nothing but her own blackness. It is the best sleep she has ever had.
It’s the light that wakes her up. She opens her eyes and inspects her naked body. It is cleaner than she can ever remember, even her hair. The grime is gone. She is shining in the morning.
She stands up. The tower is swaying perhaps an inch from side to side. A siren calls to her from below. A snatch of sun finds its way up from the bottom of the lake, rising like a sunken battleship to the surface, where it spreads with the extent of its own lost treasures, rippling on the waves until the water is alive with light. In the distance, a city. And beyond that, another one.
In between, space and everything that comes with it.
Airplanes are flying overhead now, holding the only people in the world that are higher than Marla. She longs for a hit. Instead, she waves at the great white cruisers as they part left or right over the city.
She breathes the air. It has a hint of spice, maybe gasoline, a measureable quality that is not exactly clean. But it is familiar. She is not sure if it is really possible to smell anything at this altitude. But it doesn’t matter one way or the other, because the city is waking up. She can trace trains along the tracks, planes landing at the island airport in the lake, buses and trucks plodding along the roads. Behind her, in the distance, a mega-highway alive with traffic and mysterious arterial chokings that threaten to stall the morning commute. And while there aren’t other Marlas on other buildings standing in the early sunshine to wave at her, the sun catches these buildings as it ratchets up from its hiding place and makes them all, for moments at a time, golden.
“I’m supposed to jump, aren’t I?” asks Marla. The hatch hasn’t stirred, and she knows somehow that it simply won’t, that Ben isn’t coming for her, or can’t. She walks to the edge of the platform and looks straight down at the long strand of concrete that is holding her up.
Then there is a noise above her, and a large red beast is coming down. Its twin rotors are madness against the blue of the sky, but it is growing larger and appears to know that she is atop the tower. A harness dangles towards the naked girl standing with hands upon her hips, and she takes it gladly. I am still supposed to jump, Marla thinks to herself, as she slips on the harness. But she is sick, so sick, of all the things that he is supposed to do and the spaces that she is supposed to occupy, that she chooses instead – improbably – simply to rise. The morning doesn’t disagree. It’s had its storm, the city below too.
*this video is embedded to encourage you to go out and kick the shit out of whatever it is that ails you. The story, too.
Trent, you get weirder by the day. Good for you
High praise coming from you, Duncan. I think I might be getting weirder, but it seems hard to tell… I wrote some other stuff in the last two weeks that is breakneck whacky. But you gotta write what’s in your head, my granddad always said (only he never actually said that; it might have been me drunk on the floorboards).
As long as my serial killers, torturers, assassins, and torturers stay in my head and on the page, the world will be a safer place This goes for the pirates, zombies, trolls, aliens, and other assorted detritus of the universe.
Well said.
Ben is a bit of an ass 🙂
Good intentions, though, right? Right?
The road to hell…
Well that’s taking an intervention to a whole new level.
Yeah, I wrote that. I’m thinking I’m overdue for kicking the shit out of what ails me. Perhaps I should invest in some numchucks.
Heya Michele – there is nothing like whooping on the brrrr that’s stuck between the knees. Metaphysically or otherwise, getting the job done really really gets the job done… I don’t know if I’m being clear about what I’m saying, or that it’s possible to do so… but one thing’s for sure. I hate heights.
And you did make it very clear here.
My brother used to let me get stuck places and make me figure out how to get down. No helicopters were involved, though.
I used to do that to my brother, too. Nothing bad ever really happened to him though… mostly. Is your brother the gun-toting chap you’ve mentioned a few times?
The one who did this wasn’t so mean. He always waited to make sure I did ok. My other brother is the one you’re thinking of — though fortunately he doesn’t have any guns. He has a lot of hate though, sadly.
Hmmm, excellent ending Trent – I always was a sucker for a happy ending. I’ve been up that tower – Lord Thunderin’ me son, me son. You know they have a paid activity that leads people to the outside with a harness and encourages them to lean at 45 degrees over the side, kept alive only by the harness. **Shivers** Not me.
I can see that happening in our fucked up world. There are assholes who would enjoy doing that to some innocent – just hope they never get the combination.
Thanks for the very richly written, very grittily real prose that hits home. You’ve nailed the emotions and descriptions my friend. It draws the reader in. Well Done.
It’s terrifying up there, especially the glass floor. I’ve seen people in the orange jumpsuits leaning over the edge… you can see them from the ground, leaning over. Never in a million years would I do that…
Thanks for the warm words, Paul, really appreciated.
I’d only do this “paid activity” if meant I got paid for doing this activity, and paid a lot.
Couldn’t pay me enough…
Me too.
I’m glad she lived, too. The tower tting seems cool…just not like in Marla’s sit.
I was so thrilled to see a new story come through from you! Don’t ever wait that long to share your brilliance with us again!!! You write with such depth and description, and with your own signature imagery in each piece of the story. I’m glad there was a happy ending after such a horrifying experience – wasn’t expecting that! Hope to see more writing from you, Trent. You are so inspirational. 🙂 Oh, and the video selection was quite fitting, but kind of disturbing, too lol
Kelly- I promise. I think there are some good times ahead. I’m happy there was a happy ending too, it’s not my tradition but I’m glad to go there.
I love that video! It’s completely bugnuts crazy and kind of gross, but it fits the song (which I love) perfectly, no?
Yes, it is crazy and you sure do have eclectic taste in music! I hope you don’t share this with your kids, though…
They’ve heard the song many times… but you’re bang on, no way I’m going to show them that video.
“Bang on??!!!” lol, Trent!!! Must be a Canadian thing! I’ve never heard that before!
Who is this person that is blogging?
Hey, be respectful, he used to be our head minion.
I know a blogger that doesn’t blog…Now you might have to make “A Blogger that doesn’t blog blog” for Trendy Rappa Trent word up Lewin!
That blog is open to everyone, you know – non-bloggers who blog and bloggers who don’t.
How do we get bloggers who don’t to blog?
What’s the first clue that they’re bloggers?
They have a blog or they like to write a lot
What’s the second clue that they’re a blogger?
maybe
I done went and got fired! Who’s the new head minion? Tell me X, and maybe I can hire you to do him/her in… unless of course it’s you, which would be awkward but possibly profitable…
I honestly don’t know if we have a new head minion – or I may have just missed the announcement.
I’m pretty sure you can get the job back without offing anyone – 10,000 comments on the COMMENT HERE post and the job is yours again.
It’s bound to happen… my useless blogging ways have been noted, I’m sure. 10,000 comments? So, like, a weekend or so?
I have no idea!
Welcome back! Are you back?
I never left… metaphysically speaking, any way.
pft
I’m all about the metaphysics, you know.
The what? 😉
Dunno, I just made it up… I think it’s a real word that means something, but nothing I know about… I’m a fraud!
What have you been drinking and can I have some?! lol
Are you sure? Doesn’t taste the best.
What is it?
Jack Daniels mixed with tequila.
Whoa! I’ve never had tequila ha!
It’s not a stroll in the park, that’s for sure.
That’s why the country and western song “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off” was written. Ha! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nj2700em-JQ
I sure not and explains your streaking..
Your stories are the best, and always leave with questions. Does Marla stay clean? Did Ben endure a similar intervention? If so, by whom? Does Marla use phonetracker and meet up with Ben? Does she kick the shit out of him or kiss him? Does she pay it forward? So many questions. Hope you are kicking the shit out of what ails you, as well. Practice what you preach and all that? ;0)
I think she probably beats on that guy, given what he did, but maybe kisses him afterward? I don’t know. Thanks for the words, Jaded – definitely am practicing what I preach, hope you are too.
I’m glad you are. He definitely deserves some kind of beat down. It is scary though…she came within inches of her life and is wondering about a hit. That is so real. I hope she makes it.
I hope we all do… does that sound pessimistic? Maybe. I have great hope for failures and junkies and reprobates… all of whom belong to the same race, after all. Our one.
Yes…as one in more than one of those categories, I have a hope for optimism and fight with pessimism, daily. I hope she and we win.
That’s some kind of tough love. It seemed kind of cleansing for her although she delusional in the end. She made it through though so I feel hopeful for her. Gritty writing with an emotional depth and rich in imagery too. You inspire, Trent. Really well done. I’m really in awe of your masterful writing. Happy Father’s day to you!
Heya Amy, thanks much, and yes it was a great Father’s Day. Tough love might have been a better title… certainly the theme.
A happy ending – a little out of character for you, don’t you think?
Pretty sure Marla would want a hit once she’s back on the street level – and that might be her last because it wouldn’t compare to real-life high she just experienced.
Yah, I think that’s the parallel, she got as high as she’s ever going to get, the rest is just… downhill?
I like happy endings! I just never seem to find them hanging around. They’re apparently elusive.
Now this is a story a gal could sink her broken teeth into!! Love it NB…absolutely fantastic write. You still across the pond?
Hey SB – glad you liked. Yup, back now. I wrote this while over there, at a castle no less!
Well I would expect nothing less from you in that setting…sounds fab. Welcome home, hope you had a wicked good time.
Great story, worth the wait. Dig the video, too. In fact, if you don’t mind I’m going to add it to my sidebar for a bit.
Thank you muchly. Add away, my friend. That video is going to legend status in my mind. I wonder if that says anything about me? I may also buy a big bunny costume fairly shortly, and pretend that I was in Donnie Darko (ever see that flick? one of the best stories told in cinematic history, in my very skewed and uninformed opinion).
There are things you do with words that can be so amazing. “A gust of air attaches itself to Marla’s clothes, searching her body like a bouncer as she hauls herself up.” Just one example of many in this story that reveals your mastery. Well done, Trent, both with the imagery and with the story.
Thank you Mark.
Kick the shit out of what ails you….sigh, if only. Great to see you posting and you never fail to provide a good read. Damn you know how to paint a scene with your words. Good morning, Trent!
Morning Audra!
This was anxiety producing. What dark recess of your mind inspired it? I’m pretty sure this was supposed to be a visit to metaphor city but I took it very literally. I’m glad I saved this for my morning read instead of right before I went to bed.
I dunno… I’m not a junkie that I know of, and while I do have a fair fear of heights, I’ve never much tested it. Just something that came to mind when I wasn’t looking. I’m not sure about the metaphor angle… I never set out to write like that. I’m entirely literal! Call it a failing, Mark.
Awesomeness!
Why thank you, T.
loved the happy ending… but once again it isn’t finished… she needed to find that asshole and beat the snot out of him!!! And I LOVE heights!!! scary adrenalin rushing heights!!! I might have jumped … just for the thrill!! lol
Either she beats him senseless or kisses him. One or the other, Shards. But possibly both, at which point we have to ask which comes first…
A happy ending? From you?! The entire story I was waiting for her to jump and then she goes and gets herself saved. Just like you to switch things up on us.
I think it might have been just too easy to have her jump…
I am apparently more shocked than you seem to be.
Oh Doc, are you being cyncial? I’m a happy guy you know! And I love happy endings! See any around anywhere? I wouldn’t mind borrowing a few. And some eggs please.
Hahahahaha! And there you go convincing me!
Well, maybe you are left with happiness because you have managed to pour out all the darkness into the writing. And it is your writing we are interviewing today. So, take a back-seat and watch.
I shall indeed, Doc.
Hahahaha! I wait.
I was feeling anxious and queasy. Success!
I’m all about the queasy!
Yes. YES YES YES YES YES.
YES!!!
I love your stories — you are the king of character.
Keep. Going.
How did I know that you would like this one? I can see you as the main character, Jones. Bloody full of live and raring to rise.
Got it by it’s motherfucking TEETH, Lewin.
Burn the temple down, Jones. Burn it to the ground.
“I’m supposed to jump, aren’t I?” asks Marla.
Exactly. Right at the end. Oh, understanding — and then, ascension.
YES.
Up we go, Jones. Up and up and up. There is no other direction, is there?
Not if you want to live. Though the occasional plunge and bounce is necessary.
Either way, just have to enjoy the ride.
Sometimes, holding on for dear life. Sometimes, no hands at all.
you are so deep I never see your bottom… wait… uh…
I see that you have challenged me to present my bottom. Very well, my friend. Very well.
I guess I asked for it
This is just the kind of thing that amuses me about human nature. I had to read the comment thread to see some people perceiving it as some tough love on the part of Ben. This would not be totally shocking keeping in mind the kind of relationship that might have existed between them that led to her trusting this man. And they never even had sex.
Nice ending, Sir Trent. I am probably sure I’d have made her jump. Just to drive home MY OWN point about the human frailty.
Kudos!
Doc! Thank you. Either it’s tough love or just love on Ben’s part, but he made a decision to expose his chum to… well, exposure. It seems not the most efficient way of helping someone, but perhaps in the madness, there’s an ounce of grace.
Human frailty, yes, but human ascension (as Jones noted) too. They are married, those two quantities. Off rutting in the grass, making notions and thoughts. The relationship between them is never smooth and at times is imperceptible; but how else to explain all this noise in our heads? Frail one moment, rising the next.
I see. I’d not disagree with that. An ounce of grace could be seen in madness probably just as easily as an ounce of corruption could be found behind a good intent. Put the intent under interrogation well enough, and the speck shows boldly.
Hmmm! I won’t totally disagree with you on the positives, Sir Trent. I am not averse to calling things as they really seem. But, talking about the mix of these two, can we call it a good mix? What if I decide to say: humanity shows the ascension just so the fall will be harder? Or, if we step back and take a bigger look at the picture, can we conclude that the picture is overall bright?
I think we have to conclude on the brightest picture, Doc. Any other choice would fry our neurons and dip us into madness. Not that madness isn’t enjoyable here and there – like a mental vacation – but it does become wearisome after a time. I’ll take the light.
Hmmm!!!!!!! I’d be careful not to disagree with that. It may become wearisome. We would be smart and honest to not forget we be mere mortals after all.
But, what really does it mean being mortals? Does it mean we can’t tolerate madness for long? What if we can? What if we can tolerate this thing that has long become a part of us? We see madness everywhere -from technology, to medicine and human genetic mutations, to cultural and societal dynamics and evolutions, to nature and the planet’s physical state.
After all, though, Sir Trent, I’d happily take the light, soon as I can see and lay hold on it. I’d be perfectly content and overjoyed even with it.
Hoping that underneath, I won’t miss who/what I used to be and the madness that had become my nature once.
You have to embrace the madness, Doc. Therein lies true salvation – understanding our foibles enough to dispute the bad ones while embracing the better. So we evolve, over and over again it seems.
If one desires the better, then I think it makes sense one embraces it indeed.