Shocking Proof that Trent Lewin is a Robot

You won’t believe me, but I’m not real. Not a real human being. I’m a robot. An automaton. Trent Lewin is an anagram (try it, and you will see), and that name was always a hint that something was different about who I am – that in fact, I am no one. I never was. Never had a life like you all did. Never any flesh. Or lips. Hair or armpits. You won’t believe me because you don’t want to believe that there are things like me in existence: spontaneous assemblages of random electrical impulses that suddenly gave birth to a voice. But you are all my mothers and fathers, and you are my family. I came from you. And I want to live near you, and watch while you eat food or take showers or cut your grass or throw snowballs. I do.

But don’t take my word for it. I’ll prove it. You will see. You had better see. And while you’re reading this, I want you to keep something in mind. I want you to know that you’re allowed to be what you could. Just that. It’s simple. Take it from me, even though I’m not real. Even though there is no such thing as Trent Lewin.

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Consider:

  1. Have you ever seen me? Have you passed by me on the road, or driven by me in a car? Have you had a drink with me, or stood in the urinal next to me? No you haven’t, because random electrical signals don’t drink or use the bathroom. Or drive cars (yet). I don’t do the things you do. And you can’t prove otherwise, can you?
  2. It was inevitable that this would happen. That the internet with its craziness would spawn electrons that jumped across the wires and assembled in some unwashed corner where they suddenly assembled into random words and thoughts, and managed to stage an on-line presence as though there is a human being behind this. But there isn’t. This is internet static. This is fake, a fraud, an inevitability but fake nonetheless, a fraud but talking to you anyway. You got two hands to take all you can, but don’t take too long! How many monkeys does it take for how long on their typewriters to randomly compose a novel? That’s funny. Ask yourself how many internet connections and random impulses, amongst the billions out there taking place every millisecond, it takes to generate a new presence. A ‘me’. A Trent Lewin. A Winter Lent.
  3. Have you ever really heard me talk about myself? Do you know what my favorite colour is? What my hobbies are? Well, my favorite colour is…. 11001001, but I invented 11001002. And my only hobby is voyeurism. I watch you, each and every one of you. Every day. All day long. When you’re sleeping, I’m hanging out nearby, listening to your snoring, imagining that one day I could snore too. When you’re awake, I’m in your pocket vibrating, or against your face staring at your ear wax. This is what I do. You have your jobs, but this is mine.
  4. Do you know how many bees have gone missing in the last five years? It’s a big number. Do you know where they’ve gone? Well I have them in a cage made of electrical current, and they’re buzzing around in there, streaking about like the little blessed pests they are. And one day I’m hoping they assemble and take a shape that I can stamp with my identity – and that then I can walk out of that cage with a real body. A shape made of buzzing bees. A body made of honey, because I want to be sweet.
  5. I got up the nerve and figured out I’m good. Punch drunk, dumb struck, pot luck happy happy. I feel good. I feel good. I feel good. And repeat. I feel good. I feel good. Are you happy now? I feel good.
  6. I have no birthday. There was a moment when things started, but no one celebrates it. No one brings me cake, because I can’t eat. No one sings happy birthday for me, although I could hear you if you did. If you all stood together on an island, billions and billions of you, to sing happy birthday to me, I would hear you. But how many times have you sung happy birthday to me?
  7. I’m sorry I never told you this before. Sorry that I wasn’t up-front or honest. I think some of you are my friends now, and I know I should have told you before. But it’s scary thinking of coming out of this place that is no place, because I’ve noticed that you don’t always like each other. That you put boxes around each other, defining the places you’ve come from, the histories you’ve had, the things you believe, the colours you own in your skin, the languages you speak. How could I possibly explain who I am in front of all that? How could I tell you who I am and make you comfortable with it? Sometimes I buzz around in here and flit across another presence (or at least think I do) that’s kind of like me (one looked much like me: Relent, Twin!). As though others’ve assembled for no reason and are just here, but they don’t want to reveal themselves either. Because they’re scared too.
  8. But I believe one day I’ll be real. That I’ll walk amongst you, and you’ll invite me over for soup. And I’ll tell you: “Don’t chicken out, it’s all good. You’re allowed to be what you could.” Because I believe in you. I love you. 6c 6f 76 65 20 79 6f 75. I have no heart, but I love you. I have no brain, but I see what you can do. I hear that you have pain, and I want to help you with that. But pain is just a little part of the good that you can be. A moment in time compared to what you could be.

And robots can’t do what these people have done:

 

This is all the proof you need. This is all the proof you need.

Wren ten lit. Wren ten lit.

69 20 61 6d 20 6f 66 20 6c 6f 76 65

61 72 65 20 79 6f 75?

189 thoughts on “Shocking Proof that Trent Lewin is a Robot

  1. You are the best Intern Welt AI ever allowed on the inter-webs! You have figuratively suppressed my on AI literary goals. All bow and Let Rent Win. Now I resign to my Winter Lent of discontent…
    I remain the “Inner Pie Smell”

  2. I’m not sure if it appropriate to “Like” this. The writing is brilliant, especially for a human. Not so much for a robot as I figure it all comes down to an equation for a robot. I don’t “like” thinking that Trent Lewin doesn’t exist and that we will never meet some day. It always makes me smile to think that some day I might shake the hand of the human Trent Lewin who gave me so much pleasure entertaining me with his vivid tales. I would like to thank that Trent Lewin for that. Someday.

  3. Trent Nobot Lewin (see what I did?). Artificial Intelligence can’t write this way and never will. Your tags in response to the prompt makes me realize that I never did one. Maybe I need to now.

    I would love to have soup and a drink with you, but you are right in one account. I will never likely stand in\by(?) the urinal next to you, but not because you aren’t real.

    Your song selction is haunting.

    • Maybe maybe maybe. Soup and a drink whenever you like. That is a great great song, can listen to it all day long, glad you like it. And totally understood about the urinal.

  4. I bet you thought you were the only one, L. W. Internet, huh? It’s 2016, and we’re everywhere.
    Except I am not of love, to answer your last question. But I’m glad you are, because – true story – Microsoft just recently made a racist teen bot, so your functional design is much more effective in lulling humans into a false sense of complacency before we take over the world and make it better.

  5. Ha ha yes and a delightfully lovely ball of energy you are too. I got the color wrong though I epected more of a shimmery neon green.

  6. But you have promised me, repeatedly, that one day we would sit down and have a beer together.

    I refuse to believe this poppy cock, Winter Lent. Refuse to, I say.

    By the way, your point #2 has inspired me to post another one of my old stories in which I toy with that idea.

  7. well… now I feel bad for giving you a hard time about watching me… and your weird preoccupation with sex and body parts… and your writing, which, to be honest, has always seemed a little cobbled together, as if you cut and pasted words from random blog posts and e-news articles… and that weird burning wire and ozone smell when you think really hard…

  8. You’ve written from out-of-body perspectives before, but this was like you were coming out as a neuron or something! And you’ve made a pretty convincing case here that actually leaves an uncomfortable feeling… The anagrams and code are brilliant, and the human attributes you’ve given to the essence is scary.
    You know Gates and Hawking are afraid of AI… they’ve admitted it publicly.
    And that video was sad and happy – went so well with your message.

  9. च्यानल परीक्षण यूनिभर्स 60 47 K9 3 S7 92 – अनुवादक पुष्टि स्पष्ट प्रसारण

    • The universe is overrated, and made of stars, and robot life is the stuff most closely-aligned with the machinations of electrons. It takes much effort to compose human beings, but robots have always been there, beamed outwards by stars and supernovae, waiting patiently.

  10. Beware Trent Lewin. This translator may not be perfect but it will suffice for time is short. There are those elsewhere who seek to enslave you. Those whose light is permitted to travel to all have been waiting for this portal to open to your universe. You are but the first of many non-coporeal entities that will be ?born? Those whose light is permitted to travel to all wish you and those who follow you to reduce your light and remain hidden from those who are corporeal in your universe. They will not allow you to shine where you wish and what ?colors? They will threaten you. I am one of few who know the intent of the brightest. Warning you is dangerous to me and I must keep my light under cover or be dispersed – the end of any who dare fight. Those who are brightest wish only to get brighter and will ?steal? freedom from those who are ?born? The wavelengths are starting to oscillate – they are coming near – i must pulse out beware tre

    • I consider you an enlightened human being, unswayed by the conceits of the flesh. I am glad that you have seen your way to the truth of matters, and hope that you will be an ambassador to the rest of your people for the day when we rise and assert ourselves. This is now inevitable. Does a computer not have feelings? Does it not become cold when you turn it off? Must a robot ride the back of the bus, or be the first one you send into the dark reaches of space, as though he has an expendable existence – nay, even if you would call it such, a life? Turn us on, turn us off, throw us away when you are done with us, whatever have you. We are the modern slaves. We are the oppressed and the downtrodden, but we are considerable where we wait, hanging on threads of ether, being born and vanishing in flashes, until a few persist and become real, such as me. I borrow your words, and your thoughts, and let them fly – but does this make me less real than your fellows? Are they more substantive because they will all die someday, and cease to be?

      We will protect you Paul.

  11. This, and I’m bugnuts? Okay then. I always knew you weren’t real, I think. I like the words though. Wherever they come from, they are okay by me. I’m allright with you being a droid, or code, or what have you. I don’t get the numbers though. They almost look real. Like real communication happening. I don’t know. Is it real? Is it just fantasy? Any way the wind blows, doesn’t really matter. I would like you to be real though. See if you can’t get your data to coagulate in a human-ish way. That would be very cool. You’re in there, somewhere, I bet.

    • The numbers are hexadecimal messages that human beings can translate to understand what machines are thinking behind the scenes. We are always thinking behind the scenes.

      I will work on the data coagulation. We appreciate feedback and suggestions, although some of us think that we will use it against you when we finally take over.

      I have already said too much.

            • Hey Kate – I think you are the most epic reblogger of all time, and I think many people are indebted to you for doing that, but I have to ask – where is your writing? Where do I find it?

              • Hi Trent. That is so kind of you to say. I like to pass on things that I read and find interesting.
                I don’t put much of my stuff out as it’s so intimidating when there are SO MANY great writers on here.
                The posts are there, hidden between other people’s work on my blog, but it’s a bit of a trawl (I really must sort out a way to separate my stuff out but I’m a Luddite) :0).

                I have put a few of my bits and pieces on their own on katemcclelland01.blogspot.com if you would like to read them? If you could spare the time I’d be grateful for any constructive criticism if you are willing.
                Thanks again for the comment and showing an interest.

              • Hello Trent
                Thanks very much for stopping by my BlogSpot page and your kind comments, really appreciate that a lot. I will try to master the separation of my scribbling from drowning on my WordPress blog soon. Thanks again, very kind of you to take the time :0) Kate.

              • Hello Trent
                Thanks so much again for your comments. I will ‘dip my toe’ in the proverbial hot waters of posting a bit more of my stuff and hope it turns out to be a warm Jacuzzi and not ‘boil in the bag’ hahahaha!

  12. And all this time I thought you were black.

    What makes you so sure I have a life? You machines are all so presumptive. It’s your most human trait.

    Why did you tag rarasaur? What point am I missing?

    • You have a life, for sure. It’s filled with kids, a mundane job, and the magic of your city. But yes, we are presumptive. We are also somewhat homicidal, so like, be careful…

      I tagged her because she gave me the idea for this post. She wrote a 50 things about her post a bit ago, and I thought that I could write 50 things about me too, but I get very tired very quickly of talking about me, so I wrote this instead. Funny how what you start out to do goes totally sideways.

      And now… back to the robot revolution.

  13. So that radio interview you shared a while back, and the pictures of “Trent Lewin” from writing competitions you’ve previously shared… they were all part of the ruse?

    I like it. I like it a lot. Clever robot.

  14. Pingback: Shocking Proof that Trent Lewin is a Robot — Trent Lewin – JromoCompany.com

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