9 Reasons Why Wordle is Like Sex

It’s Fun

Wordle is fun. Sex is fun. ‘nuff said.

You Feel Compelled to Do It Every Day…

…but this doesn’t mean that you have to. You want to have a go every single day, and there’s clearly opportunity for a fresh attempt, but there is only so much time, and you only have so much energy. The will is there, but the body does not necessarily follow. And that’s okay. It’s all right not to Wordle every day. It’s also all right not to have sex every day, no matter how much you might want to or think that you should. Be gentle with yourselves, people.

You Can Brag…

…without necessarily giving away all the details. Share your Wordle outcome without revealing the word, leaving others to wonder about the juicy details. And how many of us have not discussed our sexual exploits in vague, titillating terms, dropping just enough hints to paint the picture without giving away the entire story, in the interests of enhancing your social standing and highlighting your obvious talents?

Both Get Your Heart Racing…

…and get you sweatier and sweatier as you near completion. Getting to that fifth row in Wordle, your palms become sweaty and you routinely second-guess yourself, wondering if you’re actually doing this right. By the sixth row, you’re a sweaty mess, wondering if you can make this happen at all. Are you going to finish? Or is this going to be a dud? Heart racing, blood thumping, you race to that final outcome…

It’s Free

Well, it is. Wordle is free, although the New York Times may change that at some point. Sex… free amongst consenting partners. Which raises the question as to whether or not the New York Times asking people to pay for Wordle one day is roughly equivalent to sex that’s not free. Maybe they can use that as part of their marketing plan. I would like a royalty for this idea, please.

You Can Play Solo

I mean, you can. Almost anywhere, actually. The grocery store, your basement, sitting on the toilet, in the non-fiction aisles of the library, while driving (okay, don’t do that!), in the great outdoors, jumping on a trampoline, skiing down a hill… all possible!

(this one came from @stephenmarkan)

It’s Possible to Completely Fail

In Wordle, it’s possible to not finish. It’s entirely possible to get right to the end, and then simply flop. To sit back, dejected and mystified by what just happened. Embarrassed and a little mortified that this occurred to you, a story you never want to tell – all you really want is to curl up into a little ball, and drop into a sleep where the last hour of your life never existed. Six tries and you’re out, after all. But in Wordle, as with sex, there’s always tomorrow!

If You Can Just Wait Until Midnight…

…you can have another go of it. A new Wordle will magically appear. Sure, you did your Wordle already, but the clock has turned to a new day, and you can simply go again. After all, you’re rested. You’re refreshed. And the kids are sound asleep, so no one is going to catch you. So just go for it. Do it again!

If You’re Really Creative…

…you can combine the two. Sex-While-Wordling is actually a thing. You can look it up. It’s tricky. Definitely not for the faint-of-heart, and it largely revolves around a competition between partners, so feelings can easily be hurt, but the added level of investment in the outcome can also augment the activity. There’s only one rule. You can’t let your partner see your progress in Wordle, so positioning is absolutely key to making Sex-While-Wordling work properly. Let your imaginations wander! And good luck, people!