The Demise of Trent Lewin

Dear bloggers,

As a friend of Trent Lewin’s, I regret to inform you that this blogger has ceased to exist. He had a reasonable run. He wrote things that were far too long. He didn’t know what a conclusion was, and generally frustrated most people. Most especially, he was not patient or particularly good, so it was inevitable that he would come to an end in this way – too cowardly to tell you all himself, and indisposed in any case. Consigned to the scrap heap of aspirations and dreams. They tell you that if you but try, your dreams will come true. Trent Lewin believed this, but it is just an illusion. A lie. He was a simple person, coarse but well-intentioned, unable to believe that somewhere, someone wouldn’t understand what he meant when he turned his mind to meaning anything at all. The beginnings of dreams are wonderful; the ends just forgotten. He tried hard not to turn this place into a diary of his life, a place to wallow in self-pity, to express his frustrations and concerns, even though he certainly had those. No, he kept writing nonsense, and I kept reading it – not all of it, just skimming. Some of you read as well, the bits and pieces that he turned out on infrequent occasions. So hold up a glass and celebrate this wretched fool, another anonymous failure that’s gone no where and now has ceased even trying. Try to be better than him. Try to last longer. There might be a chance for you – but there is no longer a chance for Trent Lewin.

All the best,

John O. Kinder Evers (acquaintance of Trent Lewin, but not friend. Never that)

P.S. At least this was short.

Dream hard, rage hard.

408 thoughts on “The Demise of Trent Lewin

  1. Is this like the picture Tom Brady posted a few days ago? Are you coming or going? Cause if you’re going, then WordPress and the blogging community has got nothing left for me.

          1. Aren’t you sweet. I think I will be feeling more creative once Trump is gone. Oh and I have a new job (after 2 years of being off) and that is keeping me incredibly busy.

  2. Glasses raised. Not sure what I’m toasting… That’s business as usual though. I never have much of a clue about what’s going on.
    If you’re calling it quits, then I will miss your words.

  3. Quitter.
    I oughta know.
    The only stupid dreams are the ones you give up on.
    And, trust me, I am constantly on the lookout for the gray cloud behind every silver lining.
    But still.
    I refuse to like this.

    1. You’re a good dude, JC. I think there’s another famous dude with your initials that was generally thought of as a good dude and an inspirational figure for the entire world. Jackie Chan.

          1. I mostly miss my eyelashes. They keep shit from getting in your eyes.
            And (believe it or not) nose hairs. They keep snot from running out of your nose at inopportune moments.
            And my goatee. I had a fine goatee. Quite nice, actually.

            1. How can leopard print be back when it was never accepted as being here in the first place? You know, fuck those leopards. They’ve really mucked things up for the rest of us.

            1. Well, petunias are a gross kind of flower. They go for that poop lifestyle. It’s definitely kinky and kind of gross, and while I’m not going to judge them, I’m also not getting very close for sniff.

    1. If you get to the point in life where you need to take up golf, just imagine yourself in the big hat that you’re inevitably going to end up wearing, before you go too far.

            1. I suspect that swinging a club – aka golf – was invented by cave people, as they tried to incapacitate an animal so that they could eat them, or as they tried to incapacitate a fellow cave person, also so that they could eat them. Just think about that next time you hit the links, folks.

    2. A significant proportion of cheese is made up of stuff that came out of a cow, which in turn consumed grass, so what is it that you think you are really eating?

          1. Oh, it is. It’s called Taleggio.
            It’s like Brie on steroids.
            Imagine Brie that’s been working out at the gym, sweating a ton and then allowed itself to go all fatty.
            It’s like that.
            Only fucking delicious.
            And Italian.
            VERY Italian.
            And it smells like cow poop.

            1. I hate worms! That does it, fish are next on my hit list. Dumb slithery water-dwellers, pooping all over the place without any consideration for who might be swimming down there.

            1. Dogs and wimps. I see. That’s DJT’s base, is it? You’d think the Democrats would be able to figure that out and attract a few of them over with dog treats and cheap beer… oh snap. Now I’m just being mean. But that President down there sucks balls.

          1. Always said I’d be the first one up against the wall.
            In pretty much any revolution.
            Pretty sure I’m gonna piss some wrong person off somewhere along the way before the New World Order

            1. Well, I think you just did piss off the hipster community. They are now going to show you a plethora of shaggy beards and expensive yet tastefully-worn sweaters. You’ve really started something here, you know.

    3. There could be a segment of the population that is actually lizard people, and there could be a segment of the population that are androids, but there is no such thing as a lizard android.

            1. Ah I see, so from an astrophysical standpoint, you believe that the reason for the Big Bang in the first place was pent-up gas, and that initial expansion was simply cosmic flatulence? And here people theorize that it was God or some event paralleling a universe’s collapse in another spot of the multiverse… I like your explanation better. Much better.

        1. Now you’re bringing me down… I’ve decided to share the wisdom in this post with the world. I don’t think it’s right to deny the world such insight and perspective, when it could do such good for so many. I’m a humanitarian that way. Also drunk. A drunk humanitarian. I think that about sums it up.

          1. And I just recently discovered that drunk-reserving stuff from the library is like the greatest thing EVER.
            It’s like Christmas. I have NO idea what I got myself or why I got it or why I even thought I’d be interested in it but….there it is…just waiting for me to pick it up and find out.

            1. Fat universe full of fat aliens, and you just know they all want to come here, the planet that’s famous for donuts. That’s how we’re known universally. The donut planet. It’s our claim to fame. Our speciality. All evolution led to donuts.

      1. Ummm….what you do in your personal time is, well, personal, Trent.
        I (personally) would never get anything like that within about 12 inches of my private parts.
        (I also happen to have a convenient measuring device handy at all times…..)

        1. Look, I’m just trying to point out a design flaw here. If God or Flying Spaghetti Monster or Chtullu or whoever made us all, are they just out to get a laugh by making things so inconvenient or is there some hidden purpose to this mangy flock of hair in the nethers?

        1. Oh great, now I’m traumatized. I hate skeeters enough already, but to think about swarms of bloodsucking humming birds gives me the willies. I really don’t know what kind of canned repellant would deal with something like that. I suspect the first sting I get will be in the ass, for obvious reasons.

        1. Okay, so, I agree with this, but wouldn’t the practical aspects of this prove a bit daunting? I mean how do you do it? When some well-hung, cruel, immoral dictator decides to cull the masses, will he make a run on tape measures and have us drop our pants in the square? I mean, yeah, this would definitely lead to a race of longer penises, there’s no doubt… and, well, I’m having a hard time continuing this train of thought because now I have millions of long penises on my mind. Thanks a lot!

        1. It also depends on your volume of spray, the concentration of your emittance, latent air humidity, your angle to the prevailing wind, the tilt of the Earth, and the status of Jennifer Aniston’s love-life. You can look it up.

    4. The reason why religion should not be mixed with politics is because religion sucks, politics sucks, and the combination of the two in any proportion has led to a dramatic increase in suckitude at all points in human history.

        1. Those vegetarians are constantly contaminating my meat with their vitamins, and their nutrients, and their outwardsly-obvious health benefits! I’ve had enough! There is only room on my bbq for one or the other – the meat or the veg. Never shall the two touch!

        1. Well, that too, but I would argue that if you’re trapping possums or raccoons at the end of your driveway using a garbage can, death is not only coming but imminent.

      1. And now that social media has taken over pretty much all of human culture, you can in fact once again have your soul stolen from you by having your picture taken.
        I am quite certain of this.
        Social media exposure = death of the soul

        1. This is a good point. Those native tribes of long long ago knew exactly which way technology was heading and tried to warn us, but would we listen? Oh no, we just proceeded to strip them of their lands, send them to reservations, and sell them booze, all while snarkily engaging in our so-called modern life where we casually and routinely sell off bits of our souls via social media. I wonder who’s going to get the last laugh?

    5. Take public transit everywhere you can until you have enough money to buy your own car, at which point you must swear at every bus that crosses your path or stops in front of you.

    6. If you think you’re a writer and you can’t really write anything useful, follow the ageless advice of writers everywhere and make sure you write something every single day anyway, even if it’s pointless drivel that makes you question your own self worth and has all the emotional resonance of elephant dung.

        1. Me too… and hence my little wisdom posts. Dung, possibly of the elephant variety, that smells remarkably foul in the nostril but leaves you with a dim feeling of resonance, attacking the neurons of your brain matter when you least expect it.

    7. At least once in your life, attach drones to your nipples and see if you can fly, because one day – not now, not tomorrow, but someday – it’s going to happen.

        1. Yeah no kidding. Why we so stupid? Analytically, I think the beautiful game of soccer is wonderful to watch but they hit the bloody fast ball with their heads! That’s dumb. Hockey? Hey, let’s smash into each other and occasionally drop our gloves for a tussle. That’s dumb. Football? Full-speed smash-ups fuelled by testosterone and various other performance-enhancing concoctions. Dumb dumb dumb. Boxing? Mixed martial arts? Don’t get me started. we need to ban these silly things, honestly. The only true game is baseball, to be honest. Bring baseball back!