Boy Takes Spill
“Dad, what are you doing exactly?”
“Dumping this car in the lake.”
“But this is the lake where our cabin’s at!”
“So? I need to get rid of the damn thing.”
“Why can’t you sell it? Give it to someone who could use it?”
“It’s not worth a damn. Easier to do this.”
“I think that’s illegal, Dad.”
“Maybe. Doesn’t matter, there’s like a dozen cars down there already. One more won’t hurt. Stop whining and get a beer into you.”
“I don’t want a beer.”
“What are you, a homosexual? I don’t mind, you can tell me.”
“You’re funny. I just don’t want you pushing that car into the lake, is all.”
“I’m going to do it anyway. Then I’m going to sit on the dock and drink the rest of this two-four. And you’re going to drink with me.”
“If you do this, I’m going to report you.”
“To who? Who’s gonna come out and give me a hard time because my car accidentally slipped out of park and rolled into the water? Besides, if you report me, you can forget about tuition next year. Or a ride home. Or dinner for that matter.”
“Are you serious?”
“Only about my beer. Give me one would you. Ah – that’s good. I feel better already.”
“Dad, I don’t know. This seems kind of dumb to me. I got a bad feeling.”
“Not drunk enough.”
“I mean it. Won’t the car rust and choke some fish or something?”
“We buy our fish from the grocery store. You know that.”
“Okay, well, water gets kind of low sometimes, won’t the boat hit it?”
“No, I checked. Prop on the boat is only two feet deep, north side of the lake where I want to toss the car has about five feet clearance to roof even in late summer. We’re fine.”
“What about the fluids? There’s windshield washer fluid, gas, brake fluid, oil in there. Won’t it come out, dirty up the water?”
“Think about it. This is the third biggest lake in the county. What’s a half gallon of oil going to do to it?”
“I thought you said there were other cars in there too. They’re probably all leaking…”
“What’s your problem, boy?”
“What?”
“I said what’s your problem? Why are you giving me a hard time?”
“Come on, you know why…”
“Cause you’re a selfish asshole?”
“No…”
“Then why?”
“It’s going to be my cabin some day, isn’t it? I thought you were planning on giving me the property…”
“You mean when I kick off?”
“Don’t make it sound like that. I just thought you were going to hand it down.”
“That was the plan. Not so sure anymore, after this conversation.”
“It’s not like that, Dad. I just don’t see the point in having the place if the water’s bad.”
“You could sell it. Take the money and buy somewhere else.”
“Is that really a practical solution?”
“What the hell do I care? I’ll be dead by then.”
“Well I have to live with it. What if someone makes me clean up the water? Then what? Likely cost a fortune, more than the cabin’s worth.”
“Not my problem.”
“And you’re calling me selfish?”
“Sorry, but did you forget how many years I worked to give you this cabin in the first place? Never heard you complaining before.”
“I was okay until you decided to push the SUV into the lake!”
“Look, that’s enough. I’ll tell you what. Just wait it out. Chances are, if anything’s going to happen with the water, it’ll be after you kick it too. Nothing to worry about, see?”
“Seriously?”
“Yup. Water’s still pretty good. Not quite as good as when we bought the cabin, but good enough to swim in. Happy now?”
“But I might have kids too…”
“Homosexuals don’t make kids.”
“You’re not funny at all. What if I want to pass the cabin on to them…”
“Doesn’t matter. Stop bugging me. Come over, put your hands on that side, mind the tail-light, it’s busted. Now push. That’s good. Look at that! Smooth sailing! This is the best way, boy, easiest too, and look at that car sink… Now get me a beer. And if you know what’s good for you, have one too.”
“Dad, didn’t you have a bag of batteries or something in the trunk?”
“Yup.”
“And you still think this is a good idea?”
“Of course. Best way to get rid of them too. Don’t worry, batteries don’t float. Or do they? Hey, come back here, where are you going? Don’t shake your head at me! Come and split this two four, we got hours before sunset…”
Trent Lewin 
ahhhhh….an evolutionary tale. wonder what the next generation of battery acid, windshield washer fluid, motor oil, gasoline guzzling fishies will look like. can hardly wait! remind me to say no when you proffer invites to this lovely cabin on the lake of yours Lewin. (is this the one with an ending you promised? Not so sure….)
Nah not this one, was written in a fit of pique. I don’t actually have a cabin, so no worries there. Will get to an ending at some point for ya. Just freshly back to work this week, so slightly spinning at the moment.
Find your center Lewin. You’ll be back into the swing of things in no time. Still sleep deprived maybe, but you’ll stop spinning soon enough. Keep smiling Canada.
Will do. Smiles are good. Going to be infiltrating your country tonight you know, as part of the grand plan to take over.
Hey, thanks for the warning…could have used a bit MORE of a head’s up…but I’m feeling pretty safe at the moment. You didn’t have anything to do with that earthquake did ya? Hmmmm, very crafty Canada!
Holy crow! I’m stuck in an airport headed for Portland, just looked up the earthquake, not too far from there. Guess you yanks heard we was coming.
Damn Lewin…you flying into Portland on PURPOSE? Yes, I lived in Maine and yes, I love the state, but really? And yeah, you have to get up miiiiiighty early canada to sneak up on us! Hey, be safe eh
Great dialogue, really crisp, funny and natural. The relationship between the two really clear. For some reason it reminded me of that twitter account shitmydadsays.
Thanks, I like description-free stories at times. Yeah that dad was a heel.
masterful stuff my man – loved it 🙂
Thanks my man. By the way, Rhonda has a gift for you from me when she arrives.
hey i can’t wait – thanks mate 😆
Mind the (generation) gap.
And the other stuff too. I was seeing the lake as having the hard luck in this one. If it is a lake that is.
That is part of the generational gap. We see the world around us differently. I am reminded of a scene from Madmen when they went for a picnic in their pristine outfits and beautiful car. When they were done, they just dumped the trash on the ground and walked away like it was nothing. Most would not do that today (I say most), but that is part of the mindset. We are more aware of the earth as a living, breathing thing, than the generation of our parents or grandparents. That is what I meant by ‘mind the gap’.
I see. I think that’s a very apt example. Glad you saw the point. Wish more people did.
TRENT! God, you are good…
Oh thanks SLD. this will be your nickname Neil a more appropriate one comes along.
I liked it. 🙂
Ha ha… thank you.
Interesting. Funny just watching ‘Extremely Loud and Ridicuously …’on the box for the 5th time, not the same conversations but running concurrent today it seems..no judgement calls just observations–I’ve learn one thing about my valleys–no judgement calls dealing with horizon’s–no profit in it–only disappointment and/or surprise and I hate surprises…KB
I will have to go out of my way to surprise you then. Do tell about your valleys. They are always more interesting than the peaks, no?
Fuck noooooooooo!!!! KB
You make me laugh, honestly.
If only my dad had taken that much of an interest in my when I was a young ‘un.
I just wish my had drank more beer with me…
Trent, this is your best yet. I don’t know if I am gonna get over this anytime soon.
Wow!!! Where do I even startt from?
You’re making me blush man.
oh then what!!! why are dads like that?
I dunno. Older generation not caring too much to leave only little dirty bits to next generation or something. I’ve heard that happens.
hmmm. and just thinking they know better…. i know somethings better than my kids but they constantly surprise me with what they do know… like their minds are switched on in a more evolved way already…
I know what you mean. I’m trying careful not to adopt an attitude that puts me at odds with what works and needs to work. The lake is a planet, the planet is a solar system, all that jazz…. it’s just a matter of scale.
the macrocosm is the microcosm…
Absolutely bloody brilliant!
poor son!
Great story to highlight so much of what’s wrong in this world. If it don’t hurt me, right now, I don’t give a dammmm.
If a dumped car rolls into a lake and nobody knows precisely how many cars are already there, does some part of it touch the bottom enough to sink into it?
That is exactly the question that needs to be asked.
I loved this! Was completely lost in the story. I want you to write me in and let me bash Dad over the head with a frying pan. What an amazingly infuriating character! Well done.
Okay, now I have a mental image of you that I will try to write in somewhere. A bit violent, a lot poetic, a killer accent, and a dangerous kitchen implement.
Ha, that’s amazing! I’ll take him down! I’ll even bury him under the patio if I must…but you really are expecting a lot of me now, I’m 5ft 2..
I’m pretty sure you’re up to it. Height’s irrelevant right?
The best things come in small packages. Apologies if you live in the clouds,
Six foot. I dunno if that’s clouds. But I agree, small packages are wonderful things.
No, I’d say you need to grow a bit more, before predicting rain. I tell myself that all the time…it stops ‘small woman syndrome’ from setting in,
What would it take to get you to read and record my latest post in that brilliant voice of yours? Could it be done?
£50, 000 for voice over work. Usually.
I will give it a practise tonight see if I can do it.
No obligations, I imagine it might be a little tough. I just have a sad sad voice.
A little tough? Trent, I’ve tried it once and was laughing to myself, realising that you had just offered up a challenge of epic proportions. Because bloody Tye, Timmy and Trent will now haunt me, until I can read it perfectly. (I’m like that)
Hey I don’t mean to bring pain… besides, you’ve thrown down the gauntlet, and it’s up to me to make good on my own gibberish now.
Haha, It’s a fun read. A challenging read. I really enjoyed it. It’s just beat me, I think. I may have to hold my hands up, on this one.
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